A Poem I Wrote

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if the program I was in as a teenager counts as part of the TTI, but it was emotionally abusive and it traumatized me. A few days ago I said in a post that I wasn't a TTI survivor- I'm still not sure if my experience counts, but I just tend to be very confused and indecisive about what to call what I experienced. Anyways, I write poetry to help me cope with the difficult feelings that come up surrounding this program. I hope it's okay to post this here as I am not 100% sure if my program was part of the TTI, but it was abusive.

“Learning to Swim”

What happens 

When you discover 

The glassy sea 

Concealed 

A current?  

How quickly 

I forgot 

The terrifying struggle

With the deep.  

In the beginning, 

I thrashed 

And kicked 

And fought.  

But as the tide 

Pulled me 

Far out to sea, 

I could no longer 

See the shore, 

And deep in my mind, 

It was sink 

Or swim.  

So I rolled over 

And floated 

And let the current 

Drag me where it would.  

I became comfortable 

With compliance, 

And when I finally found 

The shore, 

I had lost 

Myself.

I found myself, 

Too, 

One day.  

I felt the waves 

Of the past 

Crashing 

Over my head.  

Sink 

Or swim.  

And I realized 

With a shock 

Of clarity 

That floating 

Isn’t 

Swimming.  

And I realized, 

Too, 

That in a way, 

I was still lost

Somewhere

In the sea.  

I climbed 

To the peak 

Of a grassy hill.  

As I gazed 

Upon the sea 

Below, 

I perceived 

Like never before 

Dangerous currents 

And destructive waves.  

In the shallow water,

I saw a log

Of driftwood, 

Shattered 

Into pieces.  

So I went 

To the shore 

And gathered 

The splintered wood, 

And slowly 

But surely, 

I began 

To make it whole 

Once 

Again.