New Trans-Female: It’s just so hard rn

I am a closeted Trans-Female who has finally accepted that this is who I am, but It’s so hard, as when I wear the clothes I like, all I see is my flaws: this unattractive hair that always comes back, this body that has muscles in all the spots i want cute, and chubby in all the spots i want slim, and I don’t wanna work out until i start HRT because I don’t wanna accidentally develop man muscles, but with how this damn country is operating, I don’t know if i ever WILL be able to, and every year i feel i lose more of my beauty…

I just don’t know what to do… I feel I need help from fellow trans people, but I don’t even know where to go, where to look, I feel alone