Anyone else go quiet in group settings and struggle to speak up?

I, f33 have noticed a frustrating pattern in social settings, and I wonder if others can relate. When I’m in 1:1 conversations, I feel comfortable and engaged, but the moment more people are involved, I tend to retreat. I give others space to talk, and if the conversation is fast-paced—especially with witty or quick thinkers—I struggle to find a moment to jump in. My heart starts pounding, and even if I have something to say, I hesitate, then ultimately stay silent.

My husband has pointed this out too. He’s very vocal in group settings, while I become more of a listener. He’s noticed that I only speak when I feel like I have something valuable to say, but honestly, that’s just how I feel in the moment. When conversations are dominated by stronger personalities, I find myself waiting to be “allowed” to talk, which makes me feel even more self-conscious.

Before social gatherings, I get anxious, overthink what I might say, and sometimes feel like I don’t know enough—especially about current events or more intellectual topics. I feel more at home discussing emotions, theories, women’s experiences, cooking, and food, but in mixed groups, I often take a backseat and let others drive the conversation. I hate feeling like a passive participant and really want to work on becoming more confident, eloquent, and engaged in discussions.

I suspect some of this comes from cultural upbringing— coming from a conservative culture, in many ways I was raised to respect authority and not speak up too much or question people in position of power. My parents tell me I was always naturally an outspoken as a child, and used to defy this. I don’t remember it though- it feels like somewhere along the way, I lost that confidence.

I’m in therapy trying to peel through some of this, but sometimes it can be so hard as I don’t see progress, and continue to feel myself anxious and retreating.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

TL;DR: I go quiet in group settings, struggle to jump into fast-paced conversations, and feel anxious about speaking up—especially around quick thinkers or intellectual discussions. I worry my knowledge isn’t broad enough, so I default to listening rather than actively participating. I used to be more outspoken but lost that confidence over time. Looking for advice on becoming more engaged, eloquent, and confident in group conversations.