How to Stop Seeking Validation From Others and Find It Within Yourself
For a long time, I found myself constantly looking for approval from others—whether it was friends, family, or even strangers. I wanted to be seen as successful, likable, and "good enough." But no matter how much validation I received, it never felt like enough.
I realized that constantly chasing other people’s approval wasn’t just exhausting; it was also keeping me from being my true self. I wasn’t doing things for me, I was doing them to meet someone else’s standards. That realization changed everything.
Why Do We Seek Validation?
It’s often tied to fear—fear of rejection, fear of not being loved, or fear of not being seen. For example:
- Have you ever said yes to something you didn’t want to do, just so people wouldn’t think you were difficult?
- Or posted something online, only to anxiously check the likes and comments to feel validated?
- Maybe you’ve shared your dreams with someone and felt crushed because they didn’t seem impressed.
These moments taught me that seeking validation from others means giving them power over how I feel about myself. And the truth is, no one else can give you self-worth—it has to come from within.
What Helped Me Find Validation Within Myself
- Ask Yourself: Why Am I Doing This?
Before making a decision, I started asking:
- “Am I doing this because it makes me happy or because I want someone else to approve?”
For example, I used to work on projects I didn’t love just to impress others. Now, I focus on what feels meaningful to me, even if no one claps.
- “Am I doing this because it makes me happy or because I want someone else to approve?”
- Detach From Other People’s Opinions
I learned that people’s opinions are based on their own experiences, not my worth.
- Example: I once shared an idea with someone who brushed it off as "silly." It stung, but later I realized their reaction said more about them than my idea. Now, I remind myself that not everyone will understand my path, and that’s okay.
- Example: I once shared an idea with someone who brushed it off as "silly." It stung, but later I realized their reaction said more about them than my idea. Now, I remind myself that not everyone will understand my path, and that’s okay.
Celebrate Small Wins—Even When No One Notices
I used to downplay my achievements because I thought they weren’t worth celebrating unless someone else acknowledged them. Now, I take time to celebrate myself, whether it’s completing a goal, learning something new, or just showing up on tough days.Surround Yourself With People Who See the Real You
It’s rare to find people who truly get you. I realized I don’t need everyone to like me—just a few people who appreciate me for who I am, not for what I can do for them.Practice Self-Validation
When I feel self-doubt creeping in, I ask myself:- “What would I tell a close friend if they were feeling this way?”
Often, we’re kinder to others than we are to ourselves. Learning to give myself that same kindness has been a game changer.
- “What would I tell a close friend if they were feeling this way?”
A Lesson From My Experience
There was a time when I thought being liked by everyone would make me happy. But chasing validation only made me feel emptier. True peace came when I stopped asking, “Do they like me?” and started asking, “Do I like myself?”
If you relate to this, I hope you remember: You are enough as you are. You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone. Do what feels right for you, and the right people will naturally be drawn to you.
What about you? Have you ever struggled with seeking validation? What’s one thing that’s helped you feel more confident in yourself?