i'm the worst woman you could date

!!! What I do often!!! :

-Cry at evenings for no reason, occasionally

-Rant about how much I hate my parents

-I wouldn't stop bringing the topic of hating my teenage years and all my enemies and my abusive childhood (I want ALL the pity I can get)

-I'm depressed cus of poverty

-I can't hold a conversation unless it's about the niche topics I like

-I can't talk to anyone I'm not close with

-I'm always blank faced and spaced out when out of home

-Realize I'm too stupid for absolutely anything

!!! what I don't like!!

-events

-eating outside where others can see me

-dancing, I've never danced, I'm a lanky tree

-I don't drink alcohol, like at all. (I drank all kinds of stuff in the presence of my parents when I was 14,i just was dizzy, not very fun at all and wanted to sleep, cranky)

-being in the sun without spf in my hand

-friend groups

-wearing anything that isn't at least 2 times my size

-not being able to spend at least 6 hours a day on my electronics (I can make an exception for when I'm working)

-any game that doesn't involve me not being on my electronics

-going somewhere because money is tight

-flowers. ahchoo.

!!! what it's like dating me!!!

-no seggs before marriage (yes you can marry me in 5 days if you kidnap me, but only if your kidnapping is with good intent).

-me being no contact for a week every month because I'm dying of my period

-bland food (I don't like anything else. But I could learn for others)

-Im scared of literally anything

-Please act like a father toward me (daddy issues acting up)

-But also romance pls

-we can only text because my mom will kill me and brand me as a harlot

-I cry if someone is hostile and raises their voice at me

-I'm kind of slow through life especially when I shop

my ideal first date

-give me a car ride (I have to orchestrate my kidnapping first so I'm not a whore) and let's drive to literally any European country (borders are free ;)

-buy seedless watermelon and stop by a lake

what will most likely happen to an unassuming man who would like me?

-I'm going to make up a bs excuse because my mom probably noticed and blew up on me for being a slut and breathing in a man's direction so to affirm that she's the most important person and that I don't even want love anyway, so I'm probably going to text him like "ooops I'm not feeling you" when I clearly am but I can't leave my mom alone as she can't do anything on her own, and it's not like a man would adopt her when marrying me.