Probating my deceased father’s estate with my financially abusive spouse

I need some advice.

My husband is financially abusive. He makes over $100k a year and I make maybe $25k working part time. I also do a majority of the care for our children plus pay for any extras that they want. There are times when I run short on money and have to ask him for things like gas and he will give me $10-15. If it’s groceries then if I can’t afford it then he won’t buy it when he does the grocery shopping. Things like that happen in our relationship.

My dad was reclusive but if I invited him to things he would show up. He ended up in the hospital with a blood clot in his leg. He was in the hospital for a week before he died. The doctors put him on dialysis to relieve the stress on his kidneys and the dialysis machine malfunctioned and almost all of his blood leaked out on the floor which caused them to call a code blue and intubate him. He never recovered and passed away a few days later.

While going through my dad’s things we found out that he has a ton of money and life insurance but with no beneficiary listed. He was in the army and did 2 tours in Vietnam. He was a scientist for the government and retired from there. He has several bank accounts with over $50k in them plus several houses and stocks etc. On top of that I do want to file a medical malpractice suit as well. When my dad was first in the hospital I used what money I had to get him comfortable in his stay. I bought a mini fridge, food and drinks he liked, and a bigger blanket and activities for him as well as a body pillow. This cut into my funds and then when he passed I took a week off of work. This made me behind on my regular bills and things. Of course my husband is making things difficult for me. I have gone without for 3 weeks just trying to catch up from those two weeks where I had unexpected expenses and didn’t work.

Now we have to probate his estate because my dad didn’t have a will. I’m his only surviving child. My credit is shit because of my situation so my husband had to do the bond for my dad’s estate. I was super hesitant because I see this as my way out of this relationship but if my husband has control I feel like I will never see any of that money. Is my husband has already paid $1,200 to the bonding agency for $200,000 worth of my dad’s estate. In our state it takes 6 months to probate an estate. Is there anyway I can have the attorney bond the estate instead? I just feel so stuck and I have this sense of dread. My husband has been even more standoffish since realizing what my dad has left me.