my mom refuses to train/fix dog that attacks household members at random

excuse the crude way in which i share my story. i have been having migraines all night and my home life is creeping into my relationship with my boyfriend. im so stressed and unsure what to do.

im 22f, my mom is 54. my mom does not work, i am a trying to finish college and i have an internship ive participated in since april. shes spiraled since the death of my dad in 2022 leaving her a single mother of four (15m, 18f, 21m — the last two are away at college). i am the eldest. i helped with my dads cancer treatment, i handled my father’s hospice (my mother refused to allow a stranger nurse to care for my dad and suggested it was a betrayal to the family to try and “pass” my dad onto someone else who’s more professionally experienced than i was at fucking 19), i handled his passing, i handled his funeral, i handled the lawsuits after that and the legal proceedings necessary. i pay the bills for the household and managed all the government programs and life insurance my dad had left my mom. i managed my siblings emotional needs and often used my own paychecks to feed them, to buy clothes for them and other necessities.

my mom, the same day my dad passed, suggested we get a dog — my dad was adamant about no pets. it didnt raise red flags in my head bc i had such bad tunnel vision juggling everything i was juggling at 19 following the death of my dad. in nov 2023, we ended up getting a 6 week old maltipoo from a dude outside of a petsmart for 500 bucks. this is my familys first dog ever, none of us knew how to care for one and my mom thought itd be a dandy idea to uplift everyones spirits. i attempted to crate train the puppy from the start but being this was my family’s first dog ever all my siblings and my mom were very lax about his behavior and the dog has now turned into a genuine terrorist. i have been bitten by this dog 4 times now — each has drawn blood and left considerable wounds. this dog will attack randomly while i am sitting on the couch and has attacked my siblings just as bad. my mom refuses to crate him. she has repeatedly throw the task of scheduling a neutering for him on me for months although i tell her she should do it bc its her dog and i am too busy. my mom’s form of punishment for the dog when he attacks us is to remove his toys from his vicinity. she feeds him medium rare steak and as many treats as he wants as her solution to get objects he steals is to throw treats out for him to switch his focus on to bc we cannot grab stuff from his mouth without being bitten. i am terrified in my own house. the dog last night attacked my brother for hugging my mom and even chased him up the stairs.

in conversations with my mom when i explain how badly her dog needs training, she shifts blame to me saying i should of done something in the past despite me texting her numerous dog trainers, offering at home training solutions, buying and setting up his crate and attempting the first three weeks of crate training with him (i gave up trying after my family would let him out of the crate the moment he cried and rewarding his bad behavior.) my mom refuses to remain consistent with the dog and constantly reverts back to rewarding him and treating him like her newborn baby.

this stress has made me extremely depressed, a thousand times more anxious, its affecting my school life/work life as i get migraines that fuck up my vision and render me bed locked. there is a weekly incident or concern i have to address. i feel the sane stress and anxiety i felt while my dad was in hospice.

the upcoming stressor is my mom is leaving for europe for two weeks and i am expected to go to school, work and care for her terrorist who attacked me twice while she was away for a different trip not even a month prior. i have asked that she does a board and training with this dog while she is away and she argues that its too expensive, ridiculous that i cannot balance, and that my youngest brother, who was attacked last night, would be good to watch the dog bc he is on fall break.

my boyfriend brought it up to me last night that my depression and anxiety have become more apparent and more concerning. he also expressed that the stress of the house is now getting to him as well — which is fair bc he’s on the phone with me pretty often and has heard my dog get rabid and the screams that fill my house when it does occur. idk what to do. i cant sleep, i cant relax, i cant even have peace in my own mind.

thanks for reading.

edit 1,2,3: i cant spell and left out some details about when i got my dog and shit my bad yall please ask me whatever questions so i can fill in any blanks.