Friend consistently ignores trigger

I have cptsd and autism. I have an online friend that I watch shows with, and I have talked to her at length about my MH and various things I am sensitive to and triggered by.

She's usually really good about it. I've had two full panic attacks with her; my biggest trigger was shown on screen in two shows we were watching, and while she isn't an expert, she was still way better at helping me than should be expected from someone that is not accustomed to this, and is also hundreds of miles away.

However. One thing that seems so minor, but puts me into a (ironically enough) nonverbal state, is when people point out that I'm being quiet/not saying anything. I was tormented as a child with this, I will spare the details, but it's a major one for me.

I have talked to her many times about it, but she will still consistently comment on me not saying anything when we're watching shows. Which immediately shuts me down, I can't pay attention to the show any longer, and it ruins the entire experience of it for me. But then she gets mad at me, because I have shut down.

Once I muted myself because I was sobbing and having trouble breathing, and she asked why I was muted.

I even told her a few weeks ago about the day before, my brother-in-law accidentally saying something and then my sister telling him off on my behalf for it. And a couple days later, she did it again.

This past weekend, she did it two days in a row. I all but just ended the call immediately after the show ended Sunday, and haven't talked to her since. Verbally or through messages. She also has not said anything since then, either. It's been a very difficult week for me for so many reasons, but the stress of being so flippantly triggered two days in a row has been awful.

Her birthday is this Sunday, and birthdays are really, really important to her. I don't want to continue this silence, but I don't know how to approach this. I don't want to continue the way we have been, with me having to just deal with it all on my own, and just come back as if nothing happened.

She has also done that thing in the past were I say that I don't like something (did not say I was triggered, just that it bothered me) because of my past trauma, and she acted like I was an inconvenience. I believe her words were along the lines of 'well, I just won't pick names anymore, because I never know what will trigger you or not.'

I know the isn't doing it maliciously, and I want to give her grace, because she has also been through some trauma herself, but I can't keep going like this.