Friend obsessed with my pregnancy… SOS!

I’m 5.5 months pregnant due for a planned c-section in May. I am 36 years old. I have a friend who met at age 17. She had a stillbirth when we were 20 years old. The baby was fully developed at the time of the stillbirth. She named the baby, we had a memorial service, she had an urn. It was a very terrible experience for all involved.

I have birth to my daughter when I was 22. My daughter is now 14. This friend was around at the time and I remember feeling very uncomfortable with her even then. I remember her coming to the hospital and not even asking, just grabbing my baby out of the bassinet. As my daughter grew bigger I felt more comfortable letting my friend be around her. When my daughter was less than a year old, this friend and her mother relocated several states away and did not return. We have kept some contact over the years, but I have only seen her once in that time and that was three years ago when I traveled out of state for my sister’s memorial service.

When I found out I was pregnant in September, I told my friend and she was EXTREMELY excited. This made me happy because I lack support and anyone who is happy about my pregnancy is welcome to be a part of it, or so I thought at the time. I had my first ultrasound and sent the picture to my friend. She asked if she could post it and I said sure, why not? She posted the ultrasound on her Facebook page and referenced my 6 week ultrasound which showed a fetal pole and a sac as “her baby”. She scattered the “lol”s throughout the post but people were commenting as though it was her pregnancy, one person even saying she is going to be a “great mom” and she love reacted the comment. It felt weird, but again I let this go, as I was happy she was happy.

I should interject here and tell you that I am not sure at what point in my pregnancy this happened, it may have even been shortly before my pregnancy, but my friend made the decision that her and her mother are quitting their jobs and moving back “home” to our town. Quitting their jobs, moving across the country to find a piece of land that God told them to take over and make into a co-op and live off the land…..

My husband and I eloped in November. My friend was devastated by the fact that I was married. She trashed my husband in a series of text messages. She had made comments when I first got pregnant saying things like “I’m gonna be that babies daddy!” Now she was trashing the baby’s actual dad. My husband saw all of the messages come through. I put her in her place and told her she’s absolutely not going to come between my husband and I, and how dare her for speaking of him like that. She apologized.

Anyways, she made a few more posts on Facebook referring to my baby as “her baby” (lol of course), then one day I sent her and several other friends and family members a video of me using a feral Doppler to listen to baby’s heart rate. She posted on her Facebook something like, “hearing my son’s heartbeat was the best Christmas present!” I flipped, I told her that all of her posts were inappropriate and referring to my baby as her son is just wrong. She apologized and deleted the posts.

Let me interject again here and tell you that she also at some point began sending me money when she would get paid, which I appreciated because I needed it, but her nastiness about my marriage and the posts about “her baby” and “her son” and “the bun in the oven” just felt wrong. She even sent me money the day after I told her to remove her postings, putting in the tagline of the cashapp, “because I said I would”.

At one point she told me that she was praying to God and telling God that she knew she would never have children because she’s never going to marry, and that’s when I called and told her I was pregnant and that is how she knew God wanted her in my child’s life.

I’ve gone back and forth with this person for months. I told her I made the decision to do this without distraction or input from anyone else. She kept sending me money and then I’d feel guilty and tell myself it’s all in my head.

Her and her mom are leaving for their cross country expedition to move back to town in a couple of days. Last week she sent me a picture of something she was going to buy for me, a c-section wrap, and engaged me in conversation. I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt, but it keeps getting even stranger.

I spoke to her this morning and she asked me if I thought premie clothes would fit my baby. I said no, my baby will not be premature, my baby is measuring big. She said that HER stillborn baby was premie size, so she has purchased several premie sized outfits for my baby “just in case”. It gave me serious ick. Then she started carrying on about a baby sling, referring to one I used to have for my daughter and how the straps would hurt my shoulders so she thought I needed a different style. I told her I have a baby registry for a reason and there is already a baby carrier and she was like “well the one on there has straps so the other kind would be better”. Then her mother piped in saying that I carried my daughter too much when she was an infant and that was what was “wrong” with her and why she would cry when I put her down. Then my friend said something like, “well I know he has to be independent.” NO crazy person, infants are NOT supposed to be independent! Who do these people think they are??!!

Anyways, my husband is not going to be here for the first few months after the baby is born which sucks, but I was a single mother with my daughter so I can do this. However, my friend and her mother are scheduled to be in town the first week of February and my friend is saying how she is going to be at my house all the time and have “sleepovers like we are teenagers”.

She’s going to be in town soon with her premie baby clothes and whatever else she went shopping for. I’m alone right now and I don’t know how to handle it. I keep falling back and then she will reel me back in with money or talking about the baby items she’s purchasing. Why does she refuse to buy things from my registry? Why is she obsessed with her stillbirth and my daughter’s birth over 14 years ago? She says things like “I have your address” and “I had a dream I showed up at your house and didn’t tell you I was coming”.

SOS - am I the crazy one? How do I deal with this weird friend?!??

Thanks for reading and TIA