I’m pregnant and feel empty

Please let me first say I understand that there’s may be women reading this that have been TTC for years and would never feel the way I do. That’s why I feel so horrid right now.

My husband and I (both 28, almost 29) have been TTC for 8 months and about 1.5 weeks ago I found out I’m pregnant. I would be about 6 weeks along but haven’t had a doctor’s appointment yet. I’ve wanted to be a mother my whole life and that feeling grew when I met the love of my life and I was so incredibly exciting about having children that are part of both of us. My husband initially wanted to start trying for kids in our 30s but I didn’t want it to be really difficult to get pregnant so we agreed to have at least one before we are 30.

Now that I am pregnant… I feel nothing. I thought I would be so excited but I’m scared, indifferent, trying to not think about it too much. Seeing people with babies on TikTok or in public used to give me baby fever and now I feel so blank. I’m scared about how much our life is going to change, how broke we’ll be and how I’ll never be able to spend much time with this kid because the world isn’t built for parents. Like, school finishes at 3 and I can’t leave work until 5 for god’s sakes. What do people do with children during school holidays? I chose to get pregnant during a cost of living crisis? How could I be so stupid. We have stable jobs and our income is fine but not raking in bucketload of cash so I could be a SAHM.

We don’t have a wonderful and supportive family unit on either side of our families so I keep thinking about how the hell could I have brought a child into this screwed up extended family. I get overwhelmed vacuuming dog hair, how am I going to handle a child? I used to believe I could handle it all and be so excited and now I’m actually pregnant, I have no faith in my ability to be a happy mother.

My husband says this is hormones talking and I have 8 months to grow this baby and feel excited but I just feel so incredibly guilty that I’m not thrilled right away. I’m not sure if I’m asking for advice or just ranting but wanted to get this out because the guilt is tearing me apart.