Parentification in Pakistani culture

I’m posting this to see if anyone else has experienced something similar.

I’m the eldest daughter of four, and the only memories I have of my childhood are taking care of my siblings.

We live abroad, and whenever we’d visit Pakistan for holidays, instead of playing with my cousins, I’d be forced to run after my siblings, making sure they were safe. The last time we went, a few years ago, I remember locking myself and my brother in a room to keep him from running outside. He has special needs, but even before he was diagnosed, I was the one taking care of him.

I was also expected to take my siblings to the local playground and supervise them, while I missed out on just being a child myself—no time for playing with friends or developing my own interests. My childhood was essentially stolen from me.

What really hurt was when my mother would compare me to her friends' daughters, saying things like, "Look at her, she takes care of her younger siblings and plays with them better than you do. Why aren't you like her?" Woman, you chose to have them. You take care of them.

I have a friend who's an only child, and I can't help but be extremely jealous of her. Whenever I rant to her about how I was parentified as a child, she genuinely cannot relate. She is so much more confident and social than me, because she was allowed to go outside and socialize as a child. While I was busy changing diapers.

I understand helping out here and there, but forcing a child to become a parent themselves is not acceptable. I don't get the logic of choosing to have children, but then forcing or expecting your older children to take care of them.

Can other people, especially the older daughters here, relate to me on this?