Between two forces

Well... I'm born in a christian family, so, I'm (M18) a christian too. But in last 2/3 months I decided to take a time for myself, pretending to be a femboy bc this makes me feel sooo good. Otherwise, my brother is telling me to stop doing this. He (M25) is christian too. I'm going insane with this. I try to be a femboy, but inside me is a voice saying to give up from this. Tell me something, I need help. If you are going through this, send me a direct message. Sorry for the english, I'm trying to improve. I'm screaming inside.