Lexapro or amitriptyline

Ok guys. I’m at a cross roads here. I’m needing to choose between lex or Ami. I cannot continue living like this. My anxiety is soooooooooo bad now. I cannot do this on my own anymore. But I am TERRIFIED of trying another ssri. Scared shitless. And no, I cannot get a rescue med as my doctors office will not prescribe any for any reason. They just give hydroxyzine. Please give me a look into what it would be like starting either one. I wanna live a normal life again. I’m a mom of four young kids and cry most days because they deserve more than what I can give them. My husband has been a godsend. He’s been taking them places and letting them have fun. But I feel like I’m missing out on their life and I do not want that at all.