My experience with PD and dpdr

I apologise that it’s a long read, but below is my story with what i believe to be PD and DPDR. If anyone has experienced any thing similar and can offer any advice/support that would mean the world to me.

I am a 20-year-old male, and I’ve been struggling with some issues that I can’t quite make sense of. When I was younger, I had minor anxiety, but it didn’t affect me much. However, when I was 14, I tried weed a couple of times, and every time, I experienced bad panic attacks. Luckily, I would feel better after sleeping. When I was 18, just a few weeks before going to university, I went on vacation in California and smoked a very strong joint. I had a horrific panic attack and felt like I was dying. The next day, I felt a bit off but returned to normal after a couple of days. About a month into university, I occasionally experienced a strange feeling, like I was watching my life from behind my eyes. This feeling would last only a minute or two before going away. Other than that, I felt fine for a long time. A year and a half later, I went on a trip to Amsterdam with my friends and tried some edibles. Once again, I had a complete panic attack and felt weird for about a week afterward. Although I felt pretty normal after that, my anxiety noticeably worsened.

Holiday and Plane Incident A few months later, I went on holiday with my girlfriend. On the last day, while completely sober, I suddenly started violently throwing up. I felt fine the next morning, so I went to the airport to catch our flight. I hadn’t eaten since getting sick, but I decided to have a sandwich while waiting at the gate. Shortly after eating, I felt sick again and kept running to the bathroom to try and throw up, but I couldn’t. Eventually, it was time to board the plane. Even though I felt sick, I got on. While waiting for takeoff, I was panicking, desperate not to vomit because I was afraid I’d be removed from the flight. My girlfriend tried to comfort me, but as the plane lifted off, my jaw began vibrating uncontrollably. Moments later, I violently threw up into a bag. Afterward, I felt a strange sense of calm and passed out for the rest of the flight. When I got home, I felt better but told my girlfriend I needed to be alone. For a couple of days, I wasn’t sure if I was still sick. When I was at home, I felt fine, but in public, I felt sick again.

Struggles at Work Fast forward a few weeks: I started a new job at a landscaping company and initially enjoyed it. However, two weeks in, I went out for my girlfriend’s birthday lunch. After eating, I suddenly felt nauseous and had to run to the bathroom. Although I managed to throw up, the feeling didn’t go away. I panicked and asked my girlfriend if we could leave. I drove us home, still feeling nauseous. The next day, I felt fine again—until I went into work. As soon as I arrived, I felt incredibly sick. The idea of not having somewhere private to throw up made it worse. When we drove off in the van, I felt like I was going to explode with stress and had to demand to be taken home. The moment I got into bed, I felt fine. For the next few days, I couldn’t tell if I was actually sick or not. I realized the thought of leaving the house made me feel nauseous. Eventually, I forced myself to go back to work, but the sickness and anxiety persisted. When I was walking around, I felt slightly better, but the long shifts in the van were unbearable. This cycle worsened over time. Every shift became hell, and I stopped doing anything outside of work. I reached a breaking point and had to quit my job. After that, I didn’t enjoy the things I used to love, and I had a 24/7 sense of derealization, like I was detached from reality.

Seeking Help and Progress When it was time to return to university, I explained everything to my parents, and they took me to a doctor. I was prescribed 10 mg of Lexapro (an SSRI), which helped me feel better over time. However, I still felt “off,” and the derealization lingered. I started doing more things again, treating situations like exposure therapy. For example, I went out to restaurants repeatedly, even though my leg would shake uncontrollably under the table. Gradually, I improved.

Setback at a Family Meal Recently, I was invited to a big family meal in London. I felt nervous beforehand, as I’d have to travel alone and eat in a fancy restaurant. Once I got there, I had a couple of beers and started enjoying myself. I even managed to eat a lot, which was a big win since I usually lose my appetite when eating out. Suddenly, after dessert, I felt nauseous, and my leg began shaking under the table. I told myself it was just panic and not real sickness, but the feeling intensified. I ran to the bathroom and violently threw up. Although I felt fine afterward, I couldn’t shake the fear that I’d feel sick again, so I left and caught the next train home.

What Might Be Wrong? This entire experience has left me confused and frustrated. Do you have any idea what might be wrong with me?