I want to destroy myself

If I don't then no one will believe me when I say I'm suffering. They'll say it's "just the hormones" and play it off as something short term. It's been 3 or 4 years. I've been to CAMHS but they do nothing, if anything they make things worse.

I need to destroy every part of me, I hate every about existence. I want to cut really deeply to the point I pass out, I want to make myself look and feel so horrible becoming it's what I deserve. Idk why but it just is.

I'm so fucked tired of trying so hard all the time.