"Focusing on yourself" is really bad advice

I hear this advice alot from people when you are chasing women as a guy. I am a guy btw. However, the statement is problematic because as a dude we have to pursue first. Also I find that it is an oversimplification of why women find certain character traits more attractive in guys.

When I applied this advice, I stayed single for my entire life. Now I am buff, in med school and have a lot of hobbies. I generally enjoy my life. However, women don't come out of the forest seeking my presence. In fact, my lack of engagement is seen as introversion so I get no friends or women. Recently I stop focusing on my self and became more of the funny social guy. And that has work wonders over being focused on my purpose.

To be completely honest, you have to be taught how to be attractive to a woman. For example, I am naturally an open book. I'm not trying seek approval or brag but because of the trauma in my life, I'm just more blunt. If anything I see it as confidence that I have within myself to not care how I am being perceived. But most women see this as lacking boundaries and thus unattractive. One of my buddies explain it to me and I watched him in action.

And all he did was act mysterious and ask great questions. Women were knocking down his door to be with him. It's really that simple. And that goes for social skills in general. Most of it is behaviors or social Norms that we have to be taught in order to understand its effects.

Better advice is to study human psychology and your personality. Try to find a middle ground where you are most comfortable but also attractive. It will take work maybe years but you will be in a better position. It's like the advice "just be confident". It also is bad advice for the same reason I said earlier. If you want to learn how to be attractive, literally learn it by studying people and books.

Side note, there are people who do just naturally attract people. But that's not their confidence lol. Alot of it is background, genetics, and looks. It's like their talent. They naturally knew what was more attractive than unattractive. It's like how some people just know how to dribble a basketball. Unfortunately these types are the ones with the biggest opinions in dating. Ignore them! Seek out people who struggled and learn the game overtime. They truly get the dynamics of it.

I hope this was helpful