Why would she do this.

I met this wonderful girl (21) last year. I was 26. She broke me.

Our first date was intense—flowing conversation, sparks flying, an undeniable attraction. We had shared interests, chemistry, laughter, eye contact, touch, enthusiasm. Thirty minutes in, I had to get up and kiss her because I couldn’t stop myself. I wasn’t expecting it. I was just browsing Tinder, looking for fun.

We spent the evening perusing town before ending up at my place. That night, we slept skin to skin, so close I could hear her heart and breath. It felt right. We wanted to see each other again sooner rather than later, so we met up two days later.

The second date was even better—pizza and a movie. I fell in love in that theater. That Napoleon movie was terrible, so we just held each other. Her head rested in my lap as we talked and stared at each other. She told me meeting me was like meeting an old friend. I felt the same. We couldn’t stop smiling. We lived in each others eyes. We didn’t finish the movie.

On the way out, we took a selfie. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other—forehead kisses, hand-holding, lingering touches, intense kissing. Time flew by. Her scent, her taste, everything about her became intoxicating. Our energy was electric. Her eyes sparkled that night and every time we saw each other afterward. I could see love in those eyes. I felt seen. It was impossible to hold back after that.

Then school started again, and her free time vanished. We saw each other a few more times over the next two months, but by January, she pulled back.

The future was uncertain for both of us. I was supposed to move in May. She was working hard to transfer to her a good school. I admired that about her. But suddenly, anxiety crept in, and before I knew it, I let it out in the worst way.

Long story short—I said something stupid. She told me she didn’t feel a connection. She said she was too young to get married, even though she had been the one to bring up last names and kids. We had never talked about marriage, never even defined the relationship (ugh idk how to relationship) That confused me even more. If she had thought about that, it meant she had looked at me and seen a future.

Then, she got so cold.

My chest physically ached. It still does.

This was my first attempt at a relationship—but also the first time I had ever met someone I wanted a relationship with. I’ve never had trouble with women, never had trouble meeting people. I’m goofy, handsome, funny, whatever. But I’ve always preferred being alone. I’m introverted.

So why would she say meeting me was like meeting an old friend? Why kiss my forehead, send me cute selfies, listen to my problems, make a secret handshake, hold me, kiss me when we met and when we said goodbye? Why spend hours on the phone with me. Why did she run her hands through my hair? Why did she make me feel so safe?

Why would she look at me with so much passion in her eyes… only to turn around and tell me she didn’t feel a connection? A spark? Was she just protecting her self because of the uncertainty?

What did she do to me?