First time since 2017

I did it again. I've been in great pain the last year, and today I lost it. I cut myself, my fingers. I have eczema so I did it above the joints on my fingers where I already have open sores (looks like cutting) from the condition, because I don't want my boyfriend to notice the cutting (He can't comprehend the amount of pain I have had the last six months). I lost the battle against my own mind, even though I've been visiting a therapist every two weeks since the end of November. I'm ashamed that I lost this mental battle.