Why can't I just like fucking weed

I've met the love of my life, absolutely sure of it, and I'm already fucking it up with my drinking. Luckily, he's putting up with me for the time being.

Why is getting drunk so fun? So warm? So inviting? There's nothing like that first drink. Or the second, or the third. Or the drink where you just stop caring about literally everyone and everything in the outside world and just settle into your little drunk bubble of happiness.

Until of course, you sober up and then the nightmare begins. Days and days of panic and insomnia and night sweats. Until you finally feel better and oh man, you know what I feel like?

I wish I fucking loved weed. My boyfriend does and it's kept him functional and happy and measured. It makes me drowsy and paranoid and increases my heart rate. I feel stupid when I'm high. I know I'm stupid when I drink, but I don't FEEL stupid. I feel hilarious! And fun, and witty, even though I'm a hot mess.

Anyways it's my first post here, chairs everyone. He's to another day of staying on the wagon and keeping my happiness. Hopefully.