I should’ve left him 3 years ago and now I’m marrying him

I need to confess something, and I know people might have their opinions about it. I’ve never shared this with anyone before, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest.

I’m getting married in a week, but I’ve been carrying some unresolved feelings since the day he proposed. I (29F) am marrying a man (34M) who I love, but I’m struggling with deep insecurities. I’ve never cheated on him—I've always been honest and loyal. But he emotionally cheated on me. He was texting other women, making inappropriate comments, and even saying he wanted to sleep with them. At the time, I was ready to leave, but he convinced me he would change. He has been better for the last three years, but I still carry this nagging fear and doubt in my mind.

What he did really affected me. It hurt my self-esteem, my confidence, and even my sense of self-respect. I feel like I allowed myself to stay, and that’s something I struggle with. He is a good guy, genuinely kind and loving when he’s with me, but I can’t shake the anxiety about what he’s doing when I’m not around. Who is he messaging? Who is he liking or hearting on social media? It’s like I don’t fully trust him, and that hurts.

Maybe I’m overthinking things or even being irrational, but I feel like he’s the one who made me this way. I’m ashamed of how I’ve let this relationship affect me and how far I’ve let it progress, and I feel like I’m too far in to back out now. Instead of constantly asking myself if I’m making the right choice, I tell myself, "Make the choice right." So, I’m trying to just enjoy the connection we have and push my doubts aside.

But deep down, I wonder if I’m the right person for this relationship, especially considering his narcissistic tendencies. It’s exhausting, and I’m just sad. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m trying to make the best of it.

Edit: Thank you all for the comments. I still have the same unresolved feelings. Per this thread, I was just confessing how I felt and my thoughts. As all of you recommended, I confronted him with my issues and we talked it out but per usual, argument never got resolved. Resisting couples counseling and wont do open phone policy till we’re married…

I do not know if I’m strong enough to break this engagement. And if I do break it, a huge part of me feels like I’ll regret it… because after all, he does treat me well, but it’s the respect I do not know if he’s giving me, the respect that I deserve and the respect of my boundaries. But the nagging feeling of would he ever get so far as to physically cheat is what’s killing me. And the lies, the lies are the worst.

For now, this issue is being tabled. Again.

I hope we come out of this stronger than before, but until he meets me in the middle and agree to open phone policy and couples counseling, idk if we’ll survive. Thank you all for the comments and DMs. Anyone else think I’m controlling? Be honest.