I can’t believe I didn’t understand this ):

So I finished this wonderful book last night. Yes, I cried profusely. Although Mr. Pearlman's talk to Elio was what started my session of weeping, when I read...

“I don’t envy the pain. But I envy you the pain.”

... I didn’t understand it but I knew it meant something deep. I was so disappointed, no matter how many times I read it over the meaning didn’t come to me ):

I was hoping someone could enlighten me on what this sentence meant?

Thank you so much (: