Breastfeeding and co-sleeping has ruined my life

I need some support. I go through phases of loving bf (like when my kids have been sick) but at the moment I really resent my friends who formula fed from the start, and can leave their kids with other people overnight. I have a 5 year old son and 2.5 year old daughter, I still feed her and fed my son until he was 2. I co-sleep with both and haven't been away from them overnight before, I'm also a stay at home mum so it all feels a bit full-on at times. Over the last 5 years I've missed out on bachelorette parties, and I've left every wedding or get together before 8pm. It has been my choice because I can't face my kids being distressed without me, but I still felt like I was missing out.

I have a good group of girlfriends and I've been looking forward to them also having children so I don't feel so alone. They all meet up every Saturday night at eachothers houses and have remained very close while I've drifted away, as my husband works evenings I'm never able to join them. I feed my girl to sleep and if she wakes up I'm the only one who can settle her by feeding her again, as it's all she's ever known. I recently had to take my sister to the hospital in the middle of the night, and my son woke up and had a full blown panic attack despite being with his dad.

In the last year one of my best friends had a baby boy, but it's like her life hasn't changed. As he is formula fed, she frequently leaves him overnight with her parents, she goes to concerts, the movies mid-week, and still meets up with the girls every Saturday evening. So this whole time I was excited for someone to empathise with me, but actually now more than ever I feel like I've just lost my best friends and it's my fault. I feel like I've made my kids be overly dependent on me. If I hadn't breastfed I know I wouldn't be co-sleeping, as they went hand in hand for me. Last night I was breastfeeding my daughter in bed with my son totally wrapped around me from behind, I couldn't move and felt so claustrophobic, I wanted to cry with frustration that my usual me-time of 30 minutes of TV before bed had been hi-jacked.

I miss my old life, and I really love my kids more than anything, but sometimes I want to fast forward this stage so I can feel like the person I used to. And then ofcourse I feel guilty!

I don't know what I want to hear back... Maybe just some solidarity?