Frustrated and undesired

I’m so fucking annoyed right now. I haven’t had sex in a month—not for lack of trying either. My partner works “nights” from 12pm-12am. But when he gets home, instead of coming to bed, he stays up watching TV or playing video games until around 2am. Then when he finally does come to bed, there’s no interest.

I’ve tried initiating in the mornings, or even during our daughter’s nap on his days off, but I always get shut down. It’s either, “I just woke up, I’m not horny” or “it’s the middle of the day, I don’t want to.” I get hit with “maybe tonight” but our daughter never sleeps through the night. Most nights she’s in our bed by midnight or earlier, making the whole “maybe tonight” excuse completely useless.

Tonight, he’s finally off. I get our daughter to bed and think, “Okay, maybe tonight will be different.” I sit on his lap, tell him I miss him and want to be close again, only to get hit with the same excuse: “I don’t want to, maybe tonight.” So I get up, knowing damn well it’s not going to happen.

And then, as if our toddler senses what’s going on, she wakes up just an hour and a half after I put her to sleep. I get her back down in her crib, hoping for one last shot at some intimacy, and not even three minutes later, she’s screaming again.

I ask him to go handle it, because I’m so fucking frustrated that I don’t want to take it out on her. Now I’m sitting here listening to him try and console her while she’s screaming for “Mommy” and all I wanted was to feel loved and wanted for a change. I feel so undesired I’m about in tears.