I befuddled my Mom today, and almost died.

Background:

I live near my parents, I’m their caregiver, and I’m at their house fairly often, helping them with various tasks and chatting about our lives.

Here’s what happened:

(I walk in their door, say Hi, pet the dog, chitchat about plans for the day)

Me, babbling along to my mother about about covering doctor appointments and dog walking and errand running, “Oh, I got a bunch of dates yesterday! If you-“

Mom- “Why did you get dates?”

“They looked good! So I picked them up-“

“When did you get dates?!”

“When I was out with dad yesterday.”

“But why did you get dates?!”

“I wanted them? They were only $5 dollars a pound. If you want me to split them with you, let me know.”

“..Sure, we’ll try some.”

(more life stuff, medical stuff, cool erasable color pens for the wall calendar)

So, I leashed their dog and went out the front door.

And then I almost died taking a header down the stairs when I realized.

That my mother.

Who has known me for 50 years. As a lifelong aromantic ace.

Thought for about half a second that I was telling her I had decided to pick up a bunch of people on a whim yesterday and start dating. While at a Trader Joe’s with my dad.

I howled with laughter.

When I stuck my head in the door and asked if she thought I meant date-dates, she said yes, but no, because she just couldn’t make the pieces fit together - then she realized it was dates, not Dates.

I told her it was a damn good thing I never play poker with her because she had a great poker face.

(To be fair, she had spent a lot of time on the phone with my niece about her soap opera of a friend group and their relationship woes.)

Anyway, Trader Joe’s Medjool dates are great, and even better when stuffed with goat cheese and roasted at 350 for a few minutes.