what made you realize you were aro/ace?

i (f22) got high last night and realized that i may be somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum. then i got sober and still think that. i’m at least on the demi-sexual spectrum.

here are four things to know about me: i’ve always been mentally unstable, i grew up in domestic abuse from ages 3-16, i’ve been taking antipsychotics since last summer and they re-wired me completely, and i’m diagnosed with autism, depression, anxiety, PTSD, dissociative disorder not otherwise specified, and schizoid personality disorder (yes, it is legit. it’s an embarrassing mouthful).

i wasn’t always aro/ace/demi-sexual. when i was a kid, i’ve had all kinds of crushes and felt sexually attracted to others. especially in my teenage years.

but now? forget it. getting me to feel attracted to ANYONE is like pulling teeth. i just can’t muster anything. i’m repulsed by it all. this could be from trauma and having both autism and SPD. something makes me believe the antipsychotics rewiring me also has something to do with it.

i’ve ruined every single relationship i’ve ever been in because i get detached and repulsed in some way or form. relationships were like a game to me, and i get bored of them quickly.

i don’t know, it’s all a lot to take in at one time.

TLDR: i’m repulsed by relationships and sex which makes me aro/ace. P.S. im mentally ill