Mixed feelings

I genuinely thought joining the Army would build me a more confident and overall better person. 2½ months of basic and a decent minute of AIT (still in AIT) later I feel more closed off and unconfident than I ever was.

I love my classmates and my platoon but I sometimes I just feel like I don't fit in. Everyone's off in their little friend groups on the weekends and after duty hours while I'm just here by myself. Might hit the PX or DFAC with someone occasionally but that's about it.

I want to make some friends but then I get super uncomfortable around people. Adding in the fact I've been told many times that I have RBF/a constant scowl on my face, I just assume people don't like me.

People, specifically my classmates, have also told me that I'm smart or the smartest guy in class or what have you. I've had a MOS-T NCO say I'm one of the smartest Privates he's met. Truth be told I feel the complete opposite. I don't know if it's from certain experiences growing up but I always never feel good enough.

At times I feel like wanting to prove myself but then quickly spiral into the question of "proving what?". What do I want to prove? Who am I proving myself to? The drills? My battle buddies? Hell my self-confidence has never been at an all-time low up until now I don't know what kind of shit I'm thinking of anymore.

Sorry for rambling guys, just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head and chest before they went in a completely different direction.

i'll have dino nuggets please