My brain blocks out sensory stimuli that’s trying to tell it that my body needs something/doesn’t need something. I have a thought that this might actually have something to do with ADHD? Plz tell me I’m not alone.
I am not necessarily looking for advice, just someone to maybe help me understand this or relate to it.
TLDR: I am having a hard time putting this into words that I feel accurately represent what I’m feeling. I don’t notice discomfort until it’s “too late” or it becomes PROFOUND discomfort. I think it might be related to my ADHD. Is it because of a lifetime of trying to adhere to society’s expectations causing me to ignore my own needs? Is it because hyper-focus blocks everything else out? Is it a form of procrastination? Am I just way overthinking this and it’s silly?
——————————————————————— Further elaboration:
I am really struggling to describe exactly what I mean, I am doing my best so please forgive me and please ask clarifying questions. I have no idea if this is an ADHD thing.. it seems like it really could be and there are puzzle pieces here that do fit together, I am just struggling to figure out how exactly they fit. I am hoping this might resonate with someone and we can start a discussion.
As a preface: 29YOF, diagnosed Bipolar II at 22YO (part of me thinks this was not an accurate diagnosis TBH) and ADHD at 24YO. I do yoga, meditate, rock climb, mountain bike, snowboard, and go to therapy (somatic, IFS, CBT, body-based mindfulness, etc.) These habits all eb and flow of course, but I feel that in general that I am pretty darn in tune with my emotions and my body, maybe even more so than the average person.
However, I have always had these weird habits and/or tendencies that just don’t seem to fall in line with that. Mindfulness is a difficult thing to maintain and practice, but the following things have persisted- unchanged, regardless of how well I am doing in terms of mindfulness.
For the sake of avoiding more word vomit, here are just a few examples, but there are plenty more:
- I often don’t even realize I have to pee until I HAVE TO PEE IN THE NEXT 30 SECS OR MY BLADDER WILL EXPLODE! When in reality, my body was sending signals saying “I have to pee!” for like an hour.
- I have no absolutely no idea that my feet are cold lol. It only is brought to my attention when they literally go numb from cold or lack of circulation (like on winter hikes or while skiing.) Many people wear socks around the house because their feet get cold.. and when I touch mine, they definitely are COLD, but it just doesn’t trigger literally anything in my brain…
- To piggyback off that, when I was little my parents would laugh (playfully, no trauma here) at me for coming home with my shoes full of playground rocks. “How do you not notice you have had 7ROCKS in your shoes all day?!” “I don’t know… I just don’t even feel it.”
- I can’t tell what is bad, “I should stop what I’m doing” pain vs. good, healthy, “feel the burn!” type of pain. I do generally have a high pain tolerance. When it comes to physical competition of any kind, even just friendly games, I push myself A LOT without really even realizing it (often because it’s fun.) I have frequently pushed myself to the point of horrible injuries. I know it is not uncommon for athletes to push themselves past their limit or cause injuroes, but mine seems just a little different, or “more.” It is not just, “I lifted too hard/too heavy and blew out my back or tore a tendon.” I’m talking, “in hindsight, I could literally feel my joint getting ready to slip out of place and had the opportunity to stop doing the action I was doing, I just kept pushing until I suffered a dislocation.” It is almost as if there is a part that registers this sensory input, but lacks the ability to do something about it.
- Additionally, On a day to day basis, when I intentionally feel into my body, I can tell that -literally- everything hurts… all the time…. but it gets blocked out when I’m focused on other things. I am not distracted by this pain at all.
My fear is that, especially as I get older, this will cause me to get really sick, or develops some form of condition that might have given me plenty of warning signs and I just don’t.. can’t?…. pick up on them. I am not the type of person to deliberately ignore symptoms because I fear the doctor, don’t want to face the fact that something might be wrong with me, don’t want to put forth the effort to address an issue, etc. All of these things, I am not consciously, deliberately choosing to ignore it. I’ve tried to bring this to friends and family and I either am not explaining myself well enough or they truly just cannot grasp it because it doesn’t affect them.
Here are my (potential) thoughts/ideas/questions regarding this and its relation to ADHD:
Because society is generally not ADHD friendly, we often spend most of our lives just “pushing through,” ignoring a lot of our symptoms and the fact that they make us so uncomfortable, especially for those who are older and/or not diagnosed until adulthood. Is this another manifestation of that? Like I am conditioned to ignore some of my needs, so my mind just blocks out the uncomfortable in order to keep going?
Are some of these just weird versions of manifestations of procrastination or hyperfocus? (“I’m having lots of fun at recess and am really wound up that I don’t notice the rocks in my shoe, get used to the feeling unconsciously, and then they don’t bother me while in class.” “I am busy doing something and all my brain power is centered on that and not considering if I should take a break to pee.” Etc.
Am I just totally overthinking and overanalyzing this and just have to accept that all humans are unique, beautifully weird, and imperfect?
Do I need to adjust my mindfulness practices to cater to this even further?
Again, I hope this makes sense. I don’t feel like I am really hitting the nail on the head here.. I have this concept in my brain that seems to be adding up to something making sense, but I can’t get it out into words.
TYIA!