Is this really it?

You’re telling me this is being an adult, going to work for 8+ hours, talking to the same people everyday, and having 2 days off for what. This is what humans were created for? For absolute fucking boredom, for nothing more than to play monopoly for 50+ years than die a meaningless death and that’s it. Were we really created to fuck everything over for what. What is the point of having “free will” if there’s nothing to do with it, how can I be told my own thoughts are my own I can’t fucking take it anymore. I feel like everyday my brain is melting with absolute boredom and I’m so desperate for something, anything to hold my interest for longer than a fucking week. Everyday I’m plagued with the thought of driving the car off of a fucking bridge because that’s the most interesting that would happen because my brain refuses to take interest in anything, I can’t stand anything, I’m going crazy because everyone seems so content being alive but it’s all for nothing. I fucking hate “god” for creating us purely to satisfy his ego and have people suck his dick 24/7 and here I am having an existential crisis at 20 because nothing makes any god forsaken fucking sense, I can’t fucking take it I’m stuck in my own brain I want to open my skull and just take it out. I want to be free of this fucking coffin of skin.

Just a quick update of a realization I had in the shower, I grew up in a household that was “jahovas witnesses” and I just realized that pretty much all my life iv been told there’s not really any point in this life besides worshiping god because we will have all of eternity when the world ends to not only worship him but to live in “paradise” And every time I went to church the gist was basically “Armageddon is just around the corner” so what is the point of going to college, having meaningful relationships, or just in general enjoying life. a cocktail of constantly hearing there is no point in this life, and terrible depression and anxiety that my parents convinced me was just me being ungrateful and that it was all in my head, really lead me down this spiraling obsession that humanity was truly worthless and so was I. I very much become obsessed with negative thoughts from untreated anxiety, only made worse by my father’s complete belief that everyone was against us, and that only bad things will happen in life, because not everyone practices their religion. Of course iv realized this for a while, but never really looked at how messed up it really is. I believe the jahovas witness is and can be a beautiful worship, but my parents used it as a tool to punish us mentally because we wanted to be our own individual, but I realize that I was hit harder than my siblings because I become obsessed with thoughts, and can’t move on with life. I know there’s more to it but I dont want to think about it more. I barely posted this but I really appreciate the diversity of replies, some telling me that I should be happy because people have it worse, others telling me they have found purpose in their life, people stuck in the same rut in life, and some telling me that I’m holding myself back and that I can leave whenever I want. My situation doesn’t allow that atm but maybe one day I will just hit the road, and never go back to the same places. Idk, for now I’m going to try to power through this depressive episode and maybe try watching a new tv show, and actually finish it. Thanks yall, all of yall are deserving of all the happiness in the world.

Hey another insert, I want yall to understand my post isn’t really about the mundane things in life, like working, coming home, going out. It’s me being too aware that I exist, that everything is real, and of my own mortality. It’s impossible for us to imagine what comes after death, could be something, could be nothing. Everything we do could amount to something, but also nothing, and most of the time it’s nothing, because eventually we all die out, then what? The universe, and everything beyond it is dying, one day, trillions of years from now, there will be absolutely nothing, what does eternity mean then, what does earth matter, nothing matter because in the end everything will die. That’s where I’m stuck at. I always hear the saying, “live your life, it’s the only one you got” and honestly it does not bring me comfort at all, your telling me each and every person had a conscious thought, had ideas, has energy in their brain and it’s just gone, does it really just disappear. Sorry if this sounds edgy, reading it back it does sound like that lmao, I’m going through something mentally that I’m unaware of, I can’t figure it out. I think I might have health issues regarding my brain, but to hell with that. I suppose if something happens it has to happen.

(TLDR, I’m scared of our mortality, and somewhat life after death)

I’m just scared of reality. Also guys be so frl rn, this was posted on a vent channel, some of yall sound upset that im venting, cmon guys.