I hate being trans

I hate it sm, I hate I can't get out of the closet, I hate I'm not man enough to call myself a man I hate that I will never have a boyfriend cause I'm not man enough to gay dudes, I hate I have to let myself Sexualized cause is the only way I'm treated like a man or to make someone like me I hate am I don't think I'm gonna live longer then 21 cause I swear to god I hate myself so much