Being trans is the worst

i have to deal with the constant feeling of never being as feminine as i want to be, and then i get on a video game to distract myself. just for my team mates to all point out that i have way to masculine of a voice for my gamer tag (its a feminine gamertag) it happens every time without fail.

its impossible to date, im into women but in my experience im not feminine enough for lesbians to find me attractive even if they claim to accept my identity, and the bi women ive had experiences with hit me with the “youre the best of both worlds” which just makes me feel gross. i dont want to be the best of both worlds i want to be a woman and only that.

every time i get called he at work or in public it just makes me want to break down sobbing, but when i show emotion about it i get judged by my friends and family because “i should be used to it” as if that makes it any easier.

it doesnt help im the only trans person in my friend group (which is entirely cisgendered men) so i dont really have anyone who would understand these feelings if i told them

being trans makes me feel so alone