I'm a Ugly Weird Unlikable Woman

I think it's natural to feel unwanted and disliked at times but I genuinely feel that's always been the case with me.

To start off I'm not a pretty girl. I got zero male attention till after college. And even then it's been hard to determine if the attention has been real. I never had male friends growing up. Men would genuinely not talk to me unless they had to. The only time guys in my classes talked to me was when I befriended some pretty women. Wasn't great at studies or extracurriculars either so no one really cared to befriend me for those reasons either.

I think it had a lot to do with me being weird as shit. I was the girl drawing and writing weird shit in my notebook. I had bad hair, ill-fitting school uniforms, and was ridiculously outspoken. Got bullied by teachers and students alike. But even before that I was never liked as a child around my house, people only entertained me because my parents and brother were good.

Similar stuff followed me to college and I lost most of my friendships there. The school I was bullied at I lost all my friendships there. And truthfully it was a little hurtful to see all these people lying to avoid me after school while continuing to hang out with each other. I also feel bitter that some of these people continued and developed friendships with my bullies.

I think I have am unlikable personality. But I can't pin what it is. People have called me chep, masculine, useless, fat, dumb, etc. But I didn't know what to do with it.

So basically. Feeling unwanted.