A sex worker asks r/TwoXChromosomes "Why is this group anti sex worker?"

Full Comments

The real question is how not about how we feel towards the realities of sex work right now, it's whether sex work is positive for women in an absolute sense. I do support women in sex work, in that they shouldn't be victims of violence or trafficking, and that they deserve access to healthcare and every other social right.

But I also believe that sex work is not positive for women (or anyone) and that ideally selling sex should not exist. I think that it damages society to perceive sex as a task like stacking boxes, and that we should be strongly encouraging our kids to make smart decisions with their bodies, rather than monetary choices.

To me, a core component of women's liberation is the notion that women's bodies are not for sale. To start, sex work is an umbrella term, so I’ll speak on stripping first. There are sports teams, backup dancers, professional (non sex work) dancers whose “bodies are for sale” in that sense. So, what makes stripping different.

And, I don’t think you should care about what someone else does with their body when it comes to classic sex based work. Why should I lay on my back for free when I can get paid and then choose who can access my body for free if I deem them worthy?

Also, not all SWs are being trafficked.

The reality of most sex workers world wide is fucking multiple gross people daily.

You have no idea what real prostitution is.

Yes, I fuck multiple people a day for money. I’m not grossed out by it.

Why not?

Because protection, showers, penis checks, and medications exist. Also, sex isn’t gross to me. I’m not Asexual or romance repulsed. I love sexing people. I love trying new things. I might just become certified as a sex therapist. Sex is great.

Yeah, so how did you end up feeling that there is no inherent emotional value to the most intimate thing humans can do together. Did male-dominated media teach you to think that?

.

It's not that we are against sex workers, after all they deserve to be respected and protected, we are against the sex industry, prostitution and Johns (men who buy women).

Sure OF girls may be safe and have money but at the end of the da, majority of sex workers are poor women from third world countries who are FORCED to do it. And that's why every sane feminist should be AGAINST sex work.

.

Don't confuse being anti sex work with being anti sex workers. It's possible to find the industry as exploitative and preying on those of low income/low education/low opportunity without hating on the people who still turn to that work.

It's also possible to be against exploiting migrants for cheap labor without hating on the people who turn to that work.

.

I've worked at a women's refuge. The amount of women who were trafficked into sex work was insane. The industry is exploitative. Currently women are being pushed to do OF by social media as soon as they turn 18. Does that not disturb you?

It’s very sad. But, I am not a woman being trafficed.

And, I don’t post on OF. I don’t even suggest that people do it because I don’t care for OF. If someone chooses to do OF at 18, I am not responsible for that, so don’t come here trying to make me feel “disturbed.” They should consider that their choice to start an OF is their choice and if that ruins their life, then oh well. You can’t traffic yourself.

You don’t care about the Only Fans girls ruining their lives at 18 — but we’re supposed to care about you

I don’t want you to care about me “ruining my life” because that’s not your concern. I’m not being forced into it and neither are OF girls. They don’t have to post their bodies. They choose to. And again, this person is making it seem like I’m the reason 18 yos are starting OF… How am I the one who’s responsible when I’ve literally never encouraged anyone to start one lol

You’re here telling us that we have to support sex workers, but it was our support of sex workers, that encouraged massive amounts of women to join Only Fans, which ruined their lives and trapped them in an exploitative industry

If we hadn’t supported sex workers, they would have been like “no — fuck this”, instead of joining themselves

I support OF creators. But, I’m not going to sit here and take blame for their “lives being ruined” by society’s view of them. I’m not part of the population that would shame and ruin their lives. The people who are anti sex work are. You’re not criticizing me. You’re criticizing the people who are actually doing the life ruining.

You’re ignoring all of the women who are raped in this industry, so you can make money from an industry that was monopolized by criminals, but you want me to feel sorry for your hurt feelings, because we didn’t say nice things about you

.

It is absolutely possible to be a feminist and understand that the sex industry is created by men, for men and directly harms women, while still maintaining compassion for women who are caught up in it.

The reality is that even women who 'choose' to engage in sex work are being used, regardless of if they are aware of it, seem to revel in it, or pretend that they enjoy the experience. (Denial goes a long way.)

Hate the industry, not the woman caught in it's clutches.

So, when speaking to an individual woman you're prepared to offer only the compassion (read: condescension) you assume she needs, based on knowing exactly one thing about her, and none of the compassion or respect she is very clearly requesting.

When speaking about women generally, it's one thing, but when responding to a specific woman who identifies as a sex worker, going immediately this language of 'compassion' or 'caught' is infantilizing and diminishing. You're marking yourself as an unsafe person to actually speak with about the reality of her individual life or choices.

After reading OPs comments throughout this thread, I see a lot of denial, DARVO and rage. Tell me she doesn't need compassion and understanding because she is 100% happy with her life choices.

I am going to assume you are arguing in good faith and probably referring to women who engage in OnlyFans, stripping or "non-penetrative-sex-work" because surely they will have no regrets, those decisions won't in some way follow them forever and all I have to say is: Really?

Accepting the reality of what sex work does to women, and being compassionate to those who are caught up in it (either by 'choice' or by force) is a valid stance to take. Regardless of how some SWs feel about it.

Even if someone did 100% willingly go into SW because they wanted to - they are still being paid for sex, sex which they would not otherwise engage in of their own accord without being paid, that is rape.

Even if someone did 100% willingly sign up for OnlyFans because they wanted to - the photos & videos of them will exist forever, and will likely be held against them in future marriages, custody agreements, in the job market etc. They will be followed forever by the choices that they made while engaging in the sex industry.

ALL WOMEN who engage in sex work are harmed in some way by the experience. Some cannot leave for reasons beyond their control. The reality of the sex industry is built upon the suffering of women and cannot be defended by anyone with two braincells and a ounce of compassion in their soul.

I get that women who are currently embroiled by the industry have to deal with the fact of their employment in any way that they can, but calling women who see the industry for what it is "unsafe" for other women because they speak frankly about what the sex industry actually is, only makes it easier to normalize sex work, pretend that it is a 'safe' form of employment for women, and minimizes those who have been chewed up by that system.

If this is how you respond to someone you assume is speaking in good faith, I'm just going to choose not to engage with your assumptions about my experiences, my friends, or my character either.

I agree with OP's initial point: This sub is not a safe space for individual women to speak to their own experiences with sex work. At all.

If simple facts are so abhorrent to you, I would not recommend most areas where honest discourse is meant to take place.

Also, considering you somehow interpreted an attack on your character somewhere in my responses, I am going to assume that you have somehow mistaken me for a screen that you are meant to project your insecurities on.

I will leave you with a quote from my last response

.

Because no sane self respecting woman who has the means does sex work. try to get to know or interview ANYONE who does sex work and you'll see they have a lot of trauma baggage, or come from poverty or SOMETHING.

and why would we be pro sex work when it's literally so degrading and dehumanizing to the women and womanhood?

the power of women lies in their ability to protect their body, safety, mental, emotional health and so on. that means they get to be picky, have high standards, WALK AWAY from people and situations that dont server their best interest and turn down men. not get laid with anyone for money or anything else

.

The fact that it's in industry made up of mostly women is your first clue to how exploitative it is of women.

.

Can you link to anything to give an example of women directing misogyny on sex workers? Is it legitimate criticism or is it just straight hate?