Rosa Lee's "Captured" may be the most atrociously written book I've ever read

This book was never going to be for me. Reverse harem triggers my introversion in the worst way, and the high school alphahole rich boy club trope just makes me laugh. But that's not the problem. The problem is that the prose in this thing is jaw-droppingly terrible. Like the author's idea of comedy was to write down the most ridiculous sentences she could dream up and expect us to laugh WITH them. No can do, Rosa.

The same book gives us this narm-filled description of discovering a murder victim's body: "Ribbons of dark crimson flow across the white lino floor, unstoppable in their path.... my hands frantically press into the cold liquid, lips trembling when they come away stained with the claret of life."

Then one chapter later, we get this reaction to a naked guy: "...and I definitely don't screech like a fucking banshee whilst jumping about five feet in the air. Nope, not at all terrified, no siree!"

And the outfits. MY GOD the outfits. A black-and-white check shirt and red bow tie atop mustard-yellow pants. Red gingham heels with fake cherries on top, paired with a rainbow corduroy pinafore. Claudia Kishi thinks these people dress ratchet.

But nothing compares to the FMC's inner goddess: "...Her Vagisty seems open to the idea, quite literally fluttering around his cock like a fucking butterfly on a dick flower." That's one of about 70 uses of "Her Vagisty."

WHAT IS THIS?! Did she just throw all her random unrelated phrases into one story, like a video editor's test project? How is anyone supposed to get invested, or at least turned on, when every new sentence is more absurd than the last?

I know some people get really sensitive about romance authors getting negative feedback. But let's not kid ourselves that quality doesn't matter. There's good, there's bad, and there's whatever the hell this was.