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\nWhen i was in relationships yes i would hang out with female friends. I have never cheated on a gf. Cheaters are gonna cheat regardless of weird controlling rules.\u00a0
\nYes of course.
\n\nOur relationship is based in trust, not lack of opportunities. And I have always had women as friends, something that was a green flag to her early in our relationship.
\nIt blows my mind so many people say no. I have friends of both genders. I\u2019m not staying out til 2 one on one with them, or choosing to do something with them over my partner, but I get lunch with my girl friends often, I pity those who lose friendships with half the world because they don\u2019t feel secure with their partner.
\nI usually do, though in my case it\u2019s a bit different since I grew up with girls and women. But just because my friend is a woman doesn\u2019t automatically mean I\u2019m attracted to her. I would hope there\u2019s enough trust to understand that concept.
\n\nIn my mind, I rather have women as friends and talk about something that matters than men who talk about women, cars, and/or sports all the time.
\nYou haven\u2019t met real bros!
\nI have a couple female friends I hang out with one on one. My wife is cool with it and even knows I slept with one of them once. There's never been an issue, or even a reason for there to be one.
\nshe definitely kept the truth about how she feels to herself so she doesn\u2019t seem controlling over your friends lol. No wife is just \u201ccool\u201d with that
\nHave you spoken with every wife?
\nJust because you'd feel insecure about it, doesn't mean everyone does.
\nWhy not? Especially the fact that it was only once and didn't go any further makes it clear they're not interrupted in eachother that way.
\nMine is. And believe me when I say we are way past managing perception.
\nWell, that woman is now my wife's supervisor at her job \ud83d\ude06 they get along rather well actually.
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\nWhat\u2019s the risk? You trip and she falls? Risk implies something outside of your control might happen. Not to be a dick, but to me it sounds like you know with yourself that you can\u2019t be trusted alone with a woman, because you might be tempted to make a move on her, or unable to resist her if she did*. Which is fine, if that\u2019s the case, but say that.\u00a0
\n\nE:*
\nAgreed. At the risk of sounding arrogant, and like a pick me, I used to be that friend. I am an attractive female with predominantly nerdy/male interests. In my teens and early 20s I had an abundance of nerdy male friends. To me, they were just friends. They would vent to me about how their girlfriends were jealous of me/didn't like me/didn't want us hanging out. I would laugh along with them. I would gasp at how jealous and controlling that girlfriend was... Until the guy inevitably made his move on me. Without fail, it happened with every single friend I had. Some of the girlfriends, I knew outside of their boyfriends and actually became friends with down the track and we would talk about what happened. A few told me that their boyfriends outright told them they liked me while they were together and would be with me if they could. One even told me her bf called out my name in bed one time. I realized how ignorant and horrible I'd been and how I'd completely fallen for neckbeard, nice guy, fedora tipping bullshit. I 100% feel the same way you do now. I'm married now and anytime a straight man tries to form a friendship with me, alarm bells start ringing and I run a mile.
\nSame!\u00a0
\nSo is it like an open marriage? \ud83e\udd14\u00a0
\nWhat? What gave you that impression?
\nYeah, the one I see most is a married lesbian, though.
\nOf course. Why would a relationship change my friendships?
\nYes, and vice versa. Trust is not about \u00a0lack of opportunity. Being straight doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019m necessarily attracted to every woman. I also don\u2019t actually have to try to fuck every woman I\u2019m attracted to. It\u2019s really not that complicated.
\nAs long as my wife is cool with it. I went and got a tattoo with one of my female friends tonight because she was afraid to get one by herself.
\nUsername checks out
\nI'm a woman, but my husband does sometimes hang out with female friends. Him and our daughter have even had play dates with one of his exes and her kid. Him and his friends are always respectful of our relationship, so it's not an issue.
\nmy female friends are really really old friends so i\u2019d grab lunch or something with them potentially if they\u2019re in town but honestly in those situations i\u2019d just invite my girlfriend along. she\u2019s been around them plenty and i\u2019m fortunate enough that knowing me isn\u2019t the only thing they have in common anymore.
\nThis sounds egotistical when I write it out but it isn't my intention, but I've unfortunately found that if a girl meets me and wants to hang out together then it's nearly always because on some level they're attracted to me, which was fine when I was single but I'm married now and I have no intention of being unfaithful to my wife, so if there's a bunch of people going out or doing something together then yeah totally I'll go but if it's one girl that's just trying to organise us spending time together alone then sorry I'm busy that day
\nSpittin facts.
\n\nThe only way platonic works is if people are ugly. Or gay.
\nNot if you want to stay in that relationship.
\nI have and would again. I probably won't but I would.
\nUsually in a public area or something. I go out to eat with my female friends from time to time and we do stuff like play video games together, but usually we aren't one on one hanging out at one of our homes.
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\nI\u2019d want to trust a guy I\u2019m dating but past experiences tell me it\u2019s highly likely something will happen. I wouldn\u2019t restrict him from doing what he wants, but I wouldn\u2019t have good feelings about it either.
\nIf this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
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\nYa but she is a lesbian that plays drums and we jam sometimes.
\nIf i was in a relationship, nobody is stopping me from hanging with my best friends \ud83e\udd37\u200d\u2642\ufe0f
\nNope.
\nYes
\nNever had an actual one on one hangout with a mutual female friend. Closest one on one hangout I had would be when she called me (also was on a call with my girlfriend) for help to find a gift for her talking stage. Asked permission from my gf and she approved. I don't do one on one hangouts in general ever since I got a girlfriend though.
\nYes but under certain "conditions".
\n\nMy significant other knows this person and we also hang out in the same group, so she knows who I am hanging out with at times when she just can't join us.
\n\nIt's always something simple, like a lunch or a dinner, not a late night drinks or something like that.
\n\nI don't go to their place nor they come to mine.
\n\nI always ask FIRST.
\n\nNot saying these are "the rules" for everyone, just saying this is what has worked for us.
\nYes?
\n\nI like dick too, should I not hang out with male friends 1:1 either? Oooh do I need to get one of those weird courting couches so that I can have supervised time with my friends where we can\u2019t be overwhelmed with hormones caused by seeing eachothers faces or gasp ankles?
\nOf course
\nI'm bi. so do I have to stop hanging out with all my friends? lmao. asking your question - yeah I hang out one on one with anyone I'd like to
\nShouldn\u2019t. Reddit are like all poly so you will get bad info.
\nThis weekend my wife is traveling to a nearby city for a friend\u2019s wedding and doesn\u2019t have a plus one. She planned on going herself then remembered one of my friends lives there and asked me to call her and hang out so my wife and I, and maybe our friend, can do stuff the following day. My friend is pretty and we\u2019re close, but my wife has confidence in me, our friend, and our relationship. I don\u2019t think it ever occurs to her to worry about it, and honestly she doesn\u2019t need to
\nIt\u2019s ok, as long as the other is aware and there\u2019s an understanding it won\u2019t cause strain in the relationship. It\u2019s all about respect both ways.
\n\nIf your bf/gf doesn\u2019t like it, you need to evaluate what matters to you most. But it\u2019s not cool to force the other person to \u201cget over it\u201d because you disagree or you think it\u2019s insecure, etc. Neither side should be demonized for their feelings.
\nAs long as my husband isn\u2019t spending odd hours of the night with them! In general, they meet for coffee or lunch. I don\u2019t mind! Most of them are women he\u2019s known from childhood
\nThe answers are always so fascinating because you\u2019re either one or zero, black or white, yes or no, and never something in the middle for this question.
\nIt\u2019s a binary question.
\n\nYou would either hang out alone with a friend of the opposite gender or you would not.
\nSomething in the middle would be \u201cif s/he is partnered up, then it\u2019s ok\u201d or \u201cfor lunch and coffee catch ups, it\u2019s ok, but not dinner and drinks\u201d or \u201can old friend that I\u2019ve known since childhood is ok, but I wouldn\u2019t make a new single opposite gender friend post-relationship/marriage.\u201d
\n\nI mean I can think of any number of middle of the road answers, but you almost hardly ever hear it and I\u2019ve read a dozen threads of this exact question on Reddit.
\nIf partnered up then hang out as a couple.
\nThat\u2019s a good point. You got layers like an onion dontchya?
\nNo, I\u2019m an uninteresting lout. Too addicted to this crack that is Reddit.
\nLol.
\nFemale friends??? Wth are you talking about?
\n\nMarried men aren't supposed to have female friends, and married women aren't supposed to have male friends.\u00a0
\n\nYou wanna know one reason why divorce rates are skyrocketing? It's shit like this. People don't know anymore where to draw the line.\u00a0
\n\nAnd even leaving all that aside, men and women cannot be friends, because men and women have generally different interests. It's always a woman friend-zoning a man who wants to have a relationship with her, but he thinks that by simping and providing support, he'll win her.\u00a0
\n\nWhat a sad world we live in... no one is teaching children how relationships work.
\nThat\u2019s absolutely not true. I\u2019m a woman and I\u2019ve had mostly male friends my entire life. My best friend is a man. We\u2019ve been friends since middle school! I\u2019m a lesbian, sure, but he never hit on me throughout our entire friendship. He was the first person I came out to AFTER we graduated High School! I related to men more, grew up being the only girl out of 5 kids. I didn\u2019t relate to girls dressing up, playing with dolls and other feminine things. People kept telling me I needed to find a husband! Hah! I skateboarded, played video games, did sports. I don\u2019t understand any of this, man. So my best friend is just supposed to cut ties with me once he\u2019s married? And if I were straight, and marrying a man, I would have to do the same? That makes no sense. You can have a woman or man cut ties with people but if they\u2019re going to cheat, they\u2019re going to cheat. There is no stopping them. They can meet someone at work and cheat with them. They can meet someone out in public and cheat with them. They can cruise around looking for prostitutes and hookers, and cheat with them. Forcing someone to cut their friends out of their lives does not solve anything.
\nYou are not attracted to men, ergo not a threat - obviously.
\nBut by that logic, wouldn\u2019t any woman around me be a threat to my girlfriend? I\u2019ve also heard of lesbians hooking up with men. Still makes no sense to me, cutting friends out of your life because your partner sees any one that\u2019s the opposite sex as a threat. That\u2019s not healthy.
\nI wouldn't forbid my husband from having female friends, he has lots of casual female friends/ there are females in his wider friend group but, in my experience, as someone who is pushing 40, no mixed gender BEST friendship, between two straight people has ever been just that / not caused problems. 99.9% of the time one person is secretly pining for the other. If they aren't actively trying to steal that person away, then they often still behave inappropriately or disrespect the relationship. Excessive jealousy and control is never ok, but neither is carrying on a close friendship, or spending a lot of alone time with someone who makes your partner or spouse uncomfortable. When you are in a serious, committed relationship, you have chosen that person as your number one. You have made a commitment. You have a responsibility to look after that person's feelings. If you are spending too much time with another woman, to the point it's made your partner insecure, and you refuse to alter the dynamic because she's always been your best friend, something is off there. In that scenario, you are putting your friend before your partner. Friends come first when we are kids and teenagers. When we grow up, our spouses and families come first.
\nI have at multiple times in my life had a woman as my best friend. I have literally never once had or sought a romantic relationship with them.
\n\nPeople who can\u2019t do or imagine that seem weird to me.
\nWere they hot? It\u2019s always about attraction. Are you hot or ugly? Are they fat? This is all matters.
\nI've had an abundance of male friends in my life time and, at some point, every single one eventually declared their love for me. Even if they were in a relationship. Even if I was in a relationship. Even if I sensed it coming and literally begged them not to say it because I did not feel the same way and it would make me super uncomfortable. I simply no longer have straight male friends unless they're my husband's friends and we are just hanging out in a group.
\nMan. That\u2019s weird. Yeah I guess if no straight man can\u2019t not fall in love with you\u2026.
\n\n\n\n\u00a0no mixed gender BEST friendship, between two straight people has ever been just that
\n
Can confirm, have a female bestie and realized in my late 20s I was bi.
\n\nLadies don\u2019t let your men spend time around other women, they\u2019ll catch the gay! /s
\nThis
\nAbsolutely not. Have some damn respect for your wife or don\u2019t get married
\nGetting lunch with an old friend isn\u2019t disrespecting my wife. Trust is key in relationships.
\nThat lady was never just a friend to begin with.
\n\nThe answer to this problem is hotness. Ugly people can befriend ugly people. Hot people cannot as attraction is high. End of story. The thoughts don\u2019t go away. They do if ugly or fat.
\nWhy don't you trust your spouse?
\nIn other words, people who're getting married, should just throw their friends under a bus. No wonder your friends can't trust you. Excuse me but who are talking to when you're going through divorce?
\nI see that you have no clue what the word respect even means.
\nI\u2019m friends with two women who are \u201csafe\u201d(lesbians), I occasionally hang out with them. My fianc\u00e9 isn\u2019t too comfortable with me spending time with other women, which is reasonable.
\nNo.
\nHell naw I\u2019d kill my fiance if he was hanging out one on one with a woman. \nThere\u2019s no reason committed people in a relationship need friends of the opposite sex- in my opinion
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\nSame sex relationships aren\u2019t my forte, I can\u2019t speak on them because I\u2019ve never been in one. \nI\u2019m a woman dating a man.\nTherefore, I wouldn\u2019t be OK with him having female friends. \nGays and lesbians can choose that for themselves.
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\nIt says guys, and then female friends. \nI assumed this person was a straight male. \nDon\u2019t be ignorant, you asked ME about bisexuals. I\u2019m straight and don\u2019t speak for them
\nIf they\u2019re friends why shouldn\u2019t they hang out? If f my wife told me I couldn\u2019t see my friends I would tell her trying to control my social interactions like that is borderline line abusive behavior. Trust me or don\u2019t. But if you don\u2019t we\u2019re done.
\nThey asked a question, I answered. \nThere is no reason people in relationships need to hangout privately with someone of the opposite sex. \nIt\u2019s weird you\u2019d choose your friend over your wife though, regardless if you were friends or not\u2026 no person is worth my relationship. \nBut again, this is my POV & thankfully my fiance agrees!
\nI just think its weird you think one must choose. but if you\u2019re both happy then good!
\n\nI can have a friendship and be faithful to my wife. She makes it easy and therefore never has to worry or be jealous.
\nIt was a simple question on Reddit buddy, it isn\u2019t that serious and I don\u2019t have to choose bc my spouse and I share the same friend group.
\nThat\u2019s absolutely strange to me. I\u2019m a lesbian and my girlfriend is bi. I would never forbid her from being alone with anyone else. I trust her implicitly and I know that she trusts me the same. Relationships are built on trust. Saying that there is no reason a man (or woman) should be alone with the opposite sex privately is just weird. What if they\u2019re just hanging out at the house or apartment playing video games together? Watching tv? Just simply chillin. I see no harm in that. If you can\u2019t trust your partner, then maybe you shouldn\u2019t be with them then.
\nCrazy stuff, do you know if this belief comes from a personal experience when you were younger or from cultural/societal standards from the community in which you grew up in?
\nObviously I wouldn\u2019t actually hurt my fiance LOL. \nWe are rooted in faith & believe that men and women shouldn\u2019t have intimate relationships outside of their marriage. \nCouple friends? Yes. \nIntimate close relationships personally? No
\nyou contradicted yourself.
\n\n"there's not reason committed people in a relationship should have friends of the opposite sex"
\n\n"men and women shouldn't have intimate relationships outside their marriage".
\n\nso which is it? no friendships with the opposite sex, or no intimate relationships outside of the relationship? they are not the same. it makes sense to have intimacy with one person, and non intimate friendship with others. they are different. you cannot lump them. either you are bad at writing, or bad at a whole slew of other things.
\nI don\u2019t see where I contradict myself. \nBoth are true statements for myself.\nThis is a random thought group yeah?
\n\nThere is no reason people in a committed relationship need friends of the opposite sex, intimate relations do not always mean sexual. They can just be personal.
\nIntimacy isn\u2019t one thing. \nYou can have personal intimate relationships with people all the time. \nI have many intimate relationships with my closest girlfriends. \nWe share our feelings, we share our hardships. \nIntimacy doesn\u2019t have to be sexual.
\nBy that logic there is also no reason committed people in a relationship need friends of the same sex.
\n\nThere is no reason tonneed friends at all.
\n\nHowever, there is also absolutely no reason people in a committed relationship should not have friends of the opposite or same sex
\nNo, I\u2019m not allowed to talk to girls unless my spouse is present or I\u2019m related to them. I got in trouble for adding my cousin (F) who had a different last name to me.
\nYikes
\nYour gf doesn\u2019t like it, I guarantee.\u00a0
\nYea I do. And I pound her so hard
\ni fw u
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