Why Men Are Doomed Due to Hypergamy in Modern Society
I’ve been reflecting a lot on hypergamy and its impact on men in modern society. This trend is becoming more prominent worldwide, where societal expectations push men to achieve higher status, wealth, and success in hopes of attracting a partner who meets societal beauty standards or comes from a higher socio-economic background. It’s an unspoken rule: the more you achieve, the more likely you are to "win" in the dating or marriage game.
Here are some reasons why this has led to men being "doomed":
The Pressure to Be Good Enough: The bar for men is set incredibly high when it comes to their career, financial status, and overall life achievements. It’s almost as if a man is only as valuable as the title on his business card or the size of his paycheck. This creates immense pressure, and many men end up chasing an impossible standard their whole lives, just to feel worthy of someone’s attention.
The Rise of the “Alpha” Male Myth: The constant push for men to be leaders, high earners, and successful entrepreneurs often fosters a form of toxic masculinity where men suppress their vulnerabilities and emotions. This creates an ideal that’s unattainable for most, leading to a sense of failure in those who don’t fit the mold. It creates toxic dynamics in relationships where men feel they must "perform" to maintain any sort of connection.
The Disparity in Relationship Expectations: Women today are more empowered, and while that’s fantastic, it has shifted relationship dynamics. There’s often an underlying notion that women are “expected” to find someone wealthier, taller, smarter, and more successful than them. Meanwhile, men are expected to accept partners who don’t meet these same societal standards. This imbalance makes it even harder for men to navigate relationships without feeling inadequate.
The Growth of Online Dating and Shallow Standards: Platforms like Tinder, Bumble, and others only exacerbate the issue. With profiles built on looks and instant judgments, men are constantly under scrutiny in a sea of competition. Surface-level traits dominate, leaving little room for men who are kind, intelligent, or compassionate but not necessarily at the top of the economic ladder. On top of that, social media has inflated the egos of many women, who are often validated by countless "s*mp" accounts and validation from men across the globe, not just their local dating pool.
The Toll on Mental Health:The constant pressure to meet these impossible standards takes a heavy toll on mental health. Anxiety, depression, and a sense of failure are on the rise, especially among younger men who are still figuring out life. It’s as if you can’t win, no matter how hard you try.
The Hypergamy Paradox:Here’s where it gets interesting. Despite women being conditioned to seek out the “top 20%” of men, studies show that men from lower socioeconomic backgrounds (the other 80%) still struggle to find relationships, let alone healthy ones. Women, in their quest for “better” partners, are often left with high standards that few men can meet, and this creates a paradox. This will put very high stress on low status men especially bottom 80 %
Now, I’m not saying women should settle or that they shouldn’t aim for partners who meet their standards. But this new relationship system is incredibly toxic and damaging for men’s mental health.
Is the solution to avoid relationships completely and focus on “hustling”? It might be tempting to throw in the towel and focus entirely on self-improvement or financial success to escape the dating game. But I’m curious about others’ thoughts on this — do you think that’s the best route, or is there still hope for men navigating this landscape?
Note : all advices are welcome but advice from experienced men will be appreciated more