Anxious wreck..First pap at 30 - abnormal pap & hpv detected

Trying VERY hard not to spiral here. I feel so much guilt for not going sooner to get my paps done because now I don't know how far back this goes. At some point I was neglectful in doing preventative care and then it turned into an irrational fear of getting them done. Here I am now.

Finally got the courage to do a pap and my results are mixed low abnormal lesions with some exhibiting high risk due to hpv+ result. My colpo is scheduled for Dec 3 and after reading many of these stories I want to self advocate for a see and treat (LEEP or whatever the Dr. suggest) procedure, because I am terrified that because I have waited so long..the results can't be good. The waiting and not knowing is actually making me sick to to my stomach, it's a miracle I can get work done.

I'm embarrassed. I'm scared.