What are your thoughts?

I thought to myself, "How exciting to explore the deepest parts of me," and I came to find out that there's nothing to find but a deceiving heart yearning for love, understanding, and wisdom. So, I pour into it like a drunkard quenching his thirst—I pour and pour these things my heart longs for. Why am I not full yet? Have I not quenched my thirst for these things? I go and seek for more. Is it pleasure? Success? Power? I am unsure, but once again, I will go into the world and satisfy my thirst.

I am confused as to why I am not satisfied. Am I being deceived? Do I not understand myself? Why am I so full of hate? Oh, you cold-hearted bastard. I can't trust you; you lie to me and make me believe that I long for things, but these things are not satisfying me. So, I will shut myself off from you.

But why do I feel so cold? Why do I feel so distant from the world? I feel stuck. Was I made to be this way? What do I do to fill this void? I feel hate, so much hate. What do I do from here? What have I invited into my heart that I don't understand? I see with lustful eyes, I thirst for satisfaction, corruption overrules me. What is it that I want… who can understand me? I want this to end, everything. I hate it. God, if there is a God, end me for I find no purpose in this world, I am not understood by no one, not even I want to understand myself. I hate this, everything. What is the purpose of this life? I say this as I drown myself to sleep with sorrow once again, drown myself in the empty and temporary pleasure of the world…

God: Oh, my beloved son, trust me with all your heart and lean not on your understanding, but submit yourself in all your ways to me, and I will make your path straight. - Proverbs 3: 5-6

My heart! Ha, my heart, really?

God: The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve." - Jeremiah 17:9-10

NOW brothers and sisters, ask yourself what is it that your heart has been deceiving you with? What temporary pleasure are you using to fill your void? Ask yourself this question. Please read all of Psalm 139.