I chickened out of Ending my life

I thought it would feel good. I thought I'd feel elated since I had the courage to tell myself na I still want to live. Pero ewan, pakiramdam ko mas lalo bumigat yung mundo. I even noticed my shoulders hanging lower and my feet dragging more as i walked palabas to grab a smoke. I don't feel good. Mas nararamdaman kong disappointment ako dahil natakot akong ituloy. I thought it would be better to live on. I feel more awful. Nararamdaman kong kahit katawan ko gusto ng sumuko on its own, laging hilo, laging kapos ang hininga kahit walang ginagawa, di inaabot ng antok, walang gana kumain. Ramdam kong I was wrong not to get on with my plan to kill myself. Kahit katawan ko ramdam yun. Even ending my life is another failure.