What were your reactionary abuse actions, and what did they do to push you there?

My covert narc has clung onto me as a support person for probably 20 years, and I had to fully disengage from her and tell her I "saw her" in order for her to really finally leave me be. At the end, I started really rebelling against her control, which was probably a mistake in hindsight. I didn't fully understand NPD then, and I though I could just expose her to not getting her way with me and she would eventually get used to it.

During this period of rebellion, I did participate in some reactionary abuse, which I'm still upset with myself about. Regardless, it wasn't kind and it doesn't reflect my character, and I did apologize for it at the end, even though she was DARVOing me.

It still bothers me. Instances included:

- She wouldn't let anyone eat their food at a restaurant until she took all the plates, arranged them on the table, and took pictures for social media. She would hand you your plate when you were allowed to eat. I ordered a very aesthetic appetizer at a restaurant, and immediately ate a bunch and messed up the plate before she could grab it from me.

- The garbage had to be taken out, and she kept refusing, despite the fact that I did all the other cleaning while she played on her phone. She said it was disgusting, so obviously I would have to do it. I did it, washed my hands, and wiped them dry on her sweater.

- She was telling us that she wanted us to order very expensive drinks (of a variety that I don't usually like) because she wanted to take pictures of all of us with the drinks. I specifically ordered a Coke and drank it from a plastic bottle. She was so mad, she slapped my coke off the table when she was trying to set up the pictures. Thank god the cap was on.

- She told me I needed to wear a dress and heels to an event, and she wanted me to send her pictures so she could approve the outfit to match the aesthetic she wanted. I just put it off until the end, and showed up in my standard outfit for "going out" (nice jeans, a black body suit, and silver/western accessories). She wanted the vibe to be very floral and girly. She was so annoyed and told me that I dress "like my mother."

Ultimately, she got so enraged with me on this trip that she started yanking me around, scolding me in public with her finger in my face, and she locked me out of her car after dark in an unfamiliar city. After this, she wanted to pretend none of this ever happened. That's when I had to tell her I was done.

Tell me I'm not alone in this, because I still feel bad. What were your reactionary abuse actions, and what did they do to push you there?