Sex…and the effects after abuse (TRIGGER WARNING)

I see a lot of victims talk about their Nex withholding sex from them. Which I find so interesting considering mine did the complete opposite. Sex was expected EVERY . SINGLE . NIGHT

He didn’t care if there had been an argument, if I was sick, and especially if I didn’t want to. I was his personal sex toy

I would stay up as long as I could after I knew he went to sleep to see if I could sneak into bed. But he’d always end up rolling over to cop a feel and get things going

In my now recovery/healing I am realizing I was repeatedly SA’d and had no idea. There were a few times I was saying “no” repeatedly as he did his thing. I was so repulsed by him in general that I was a flat-motionless ironing board whenever we were intimate. I could never understand how he was getting off on me. I never engaged with sounds or eye contact. It was always a punishment for me. He was also violent at times if he didn’t receive what he wanted. Even escalated to him spending the night in jail on one occasion

It’s been seven years since I left and I am FINALLY coming back to the sensual goddess energy I had prior to meeting him. I literally had to “relearn” how to be intimate again because I had faked it for 3.5 years with my biggest enemy.

If you are currently in a DV situation and experience these sexual occurrences I want you to know you are loved! And when you decide to leave that it may take time to relearn love and intimacy again. But it exists. Don’t let them steal who you are at your core.