Pro tip: don't put up with someone being passive aggressive towards you to avoid future narcs

Side lesson: just stop giving a fuck (on a healthy level) about how people will perceive you. Stand up against the mistreatment, even if you look crazy. Oh well.

Why does this work, if you don't care about reputation? They're cowards at the core.

Think about it. Some of us tried to accommodate because we read into the indirect signs the narc was giving right? Either of, "you're not good enough" and maybe you fixed things without directly asking (because of the fear of abadonment?), or not confronting their wrongdoing/callous behavior, OR not confronting the lies they'd tell when you did call them out. Or just plain benefit of the doubt. Nope.

The silent treatment is EXACTLY what passive aggressiveness is. So are the vague stories or statuses that they'd post. I bet if you're broken up with them right now, the "vague statuses" they post are about you. Fuck that shit.

I think the reason people fall prey to narc abuse (besides attachment issues and not knowing any better) is that they're too afraid to rock the boat with passive aggressive people, at the very least.

Core lesson: don't give a fuck. I can play along and be passive aggressive too, but it's not my default mode on how I live life. If they were never passive aggressive and just a direct type of asshole, the lesson still applies.

So if you're feeling alarmed at the intensity or the amount of passive aggressiveness that starts to show with someone, leave. You'll likely save yourself grief. Maybe leave with a very direct speech prepared.

Or if you have to/decide to deal with it, grey rock. Just pretend nothing is wrong. Don't change how you act because objectively, they didn't tell you anything was wrong.

If all else fails, drop them and move on when you can. They're the ones with a bigger fear of abandonment than you.