I feel regret for having a baby :(

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the support in the responses. I don’t want to get stuck into this headspace of ruminating and longing for my old life, so I won’t be getting into the regretfulparents sub. I just needed a space to be open with how I feel, and hear some stories from mums who have come out the other side 🤍

Please no hate - I already feel bad enough. I suppose I’m writing this in the hope that other mothers have felt this way at one stage or another. I (32) have an 7mo baby boy with my partner of 4 years. He’s a beautiful boy but I’m really struggling with feeling like motherhood isn’t for me (too bad at this stage). I’ve found being a mum so much harder than I ever thought I would. I have friends that also have babies and I have a decent amount of support from them. But I just can’t help feeling like I’ve made a huge mistake that I can’t take back, and it makes me tear up and feel physically sick to feel this way. Praying I don’t feel this way forever.

EDIT: I’m on an SSRI for anxiety, and have been for years. My dr doubled my dose since having my baby. I would never harm myself, and NEVER harm my boy. I lost my own mum to suicide 6 years ago, and becoming a mum myself has brought up a lot of grief around losing her. Which has made this postpartum period even harder. My father and stepmother are wonderful and supportive but they live half the year in another country. My partner does as much as he can. I just miss the ease of my old life… it might sound terrible but I miss being selfish and doing things like sleeping in, watching tv, having the time to cook something. And I feel so bored, every day is Groundhog Day. I’m also extremely self-critical as I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so I critique my parenting and put a lot of pressure on myself, eg/ around baby’s sleep, trying to get him on to solids etc