Really really do not want to have a pelvic exam/pap smear. Can you share your experience?

I am way over due for a Pap smear. The nurse practitioner I see has given me the last year to schedule when I’m ready, with some gentle reminders… but I never did. I have been having some concerning symptoms so she asked if I would maybe let her try at my next visit which is in a few days 😫 I’m so scared and embarrassed. I’ve contemplated cancelling but I don’t want to be a “bad patient”.

Would it be really stupid of me to not let her do it? Could use some tough love or gentle encouragement.

Edit: Thank you all so much for all of the support, kind words, and tips. I’ve read through every message and truly appreciate them. My appointment is tomorrow and right now my plan is to try the Ativan and try not to chicken out. I will post an update if I am able to go through with it 😅