Recently found a new PCP, considering other options outside of doctors biases.

So yesterday I went an saw a new doctor that the Bowen Health Recovery Center referred me to since I've been without a PCP since my old one retired. My main issue is pain and the pain is what has intially caused my addiction, more so the neglect of pain that has caused my addiction.

I of course take some blame. I am obviously a chronic pain pain patient who would otherwise have been in pain management receiving opioid narcotics with my extent of medical history and pain if it wasn't wasn't for the neglect of my pain and a biased label resulting in my inadequate pain relief and subsequently addiction to opioid narcotics.

Yesterday, the new PCP actually leveled with me and didn't just see me as some addict. He wrote me a prescription referral to whatever pain management/pain specialist of my choosing. I obviously have to do my due diligence and find who will fit for me and doesn't see me as just an addict as well as many other doctors have; I atleast know of one doctor I will not be seeing and who is affiliated and has my medical records which include a biased description of me writing me off as an addict. This information regardless of actuality is a major hindrance on my ability to obtain the adequate healthcare/pain management that I am no less deserving of than anyone else.

It was a paper prescription referral so it is not in the electronic prescription drug monitoring system that my methadone clinic will otherwise see I don't believe. I have an upcoming appointment with my prescribing physician at the methadone clinic and I'm not sure I even want to mention the referral and my intentions of seeking pain management and superior pain management through a specialist since the methadone even at 120mg does not provide me adequate pain relief, given my condition and medical history. I've been higher on the methadone dosage but I have terrible adverse side effects from the methadone I do not otherwise get from other opioid narcotics. It is inhumane and unethical to leave me in pain and to only use a 'one or two sizes fits all' approach of MAT only using two medications, especially when the addict in remission is also a severe chronic pain patient.

It is very much so arguable that many addicts self medicatate due to an insufficient amount of adequate pain relief in healthcare throughout the US. It is also not far off to say that many people who are addicts are addicts due to the direct inadequacy of pain relief in healthcare, partially putting the medical field at fault for leaving so many in pain after major surgeries.

Again, I do admit that I take partial blame but I am not solely to blame. Not everyone will sit down like a bitch in pain and do nothing about it because a doctor told them they were better off that way, that it's better to be suffering in pain than to be addicted/dependent on opioids; well guess what, it happened anyways and way worse than it would have if I had adequate pain relief in the first place. Thanks, US healthcare, I am now irredeemable in many doctors eyes, but nevertheless, the doesn't take the ability to advocate for myself away nor does it mean that all doctors are without compassion, understanding, and empathy.

The main question here is, should I mention this to my prescribing physician at the clinic and my intentions with a pain specialist of seeking adequate pain relief, even if the last resort is opioid narcotics, which is likely to be the only option that'll work given the long list of non-narcotic options I've tried and the only thing ever having worked for my pain is opioids, the ones outside of their 'one or two sizes fits all medication.' I've heard of a couple cases where addicts were in remission so to speak and were allowed to taper the methadone and switch over to a different full agonist opioid. Unfortunately for me, the circumstances are not the same for alcoholics like my father, which due to back pain, was told that if he was to abstain from that day on, he could receive whatever narcotics he needed for the pain to be managed. I hold no resentment towards my father, but I do towards his PM doctor, Dr. Daniel Roth, who I saw and told me to "just buy my drugs off the street!"

I know, I know, "the chances of me getting narcotics are slim to none." "Us addicts are incapable of feeling pain and we're only and always just drug seeking." "Addicts don't deserve pain relief no matter the extent of pain they're in, only at end of life terms can they get even a tiny bit of narcotics outside of the 'one or two sizes fits all MAT' approach they use." "If addicts who are also chronic pain patients can't find pain relief inside the 'one or two sizes fit all' approach, that's that and fuck them, the doctor's license is more important, the doctor can't get another job and the addict can go find another life to live."

Since all of the above paragraph is true, I know to expect nothing short of continued inadequacy and to remain suffering even though I'd do anything to get my quality of life back and have the best degree of pain relief I know for a fact exists. I just don't want my methadone clinic to cut me off or start treating me like shit like I've heard they usually do when they catch wind of things like these. If that's the case, I won't even have the half/quarter-assed pain relief that methadone provides me.

I know their to be a greater degree of relief out of their 'one or two sizes fits all' approach. I know I'm not wrong to advocate for myself and want the best degree of pain relief I can obtain and know for a fact is out there.

I'm tired of letting them succeed with their biases and keeping me an addict as well as keeping me held down in pain and suffering on their 'one or two sizes fits all medications.' Am I wrong for trying to advocate for myself when I know for a fact I would not abuse, misuse, or divert the life saving, quality of life providing medications that I know to work and need terribly? They have ways of monitoring me and making sure I am doing things right.

It's something I've long thought about and awaited as well as hoped for, no one wants or wishes to be an addict. I never really ever chased the high, I was always in it for the pain relief, the high was just a bonus. I finally got my foot in the door and I'd like to hear if anyone else has switched over to other full agonist or went from the life long conviction of being an addict to being able to receive adequate pain relief, even if that means using other full agonist opioid narcotics.

I have family in the medical field in all areas, not that I'm drug seeking for opioid narcotics, but I am seeking pain relief, even if that likely will only come from opioid narcotics given my situation and medical conditions. I'll try alternatives but as my best advocate, I know what works and I've been on a long list of non-narcotics as well as a list of narcotics. I also know what doesn't work.

I will not beat around the bush for very long, especially if it gets to the point they start excluding certain medications due to past history, I will not put up with the biased bullshit anymore, I've learned my lessons there. I know what's best for me, not any whitecoat quack bustard know-it-all. I don't care what kind of degree you have, it doesn't give you the ability to feel what I feel everyday nor does it give you the ability to know what works the best for me and what doesn't. I will not ever give them that power over my well being.

Please, if you have any similar situations where you were once an addict and dwindled to the 'one or two sizes fits all medications' and now receive adequate pain relief through a specialist or PM clinic, the stories you have are what I want to hear. The hope I more so need. I know my case isn't that special, I'm not the only addict out there in pain still, even on methadone or buprenorphine.

Oh and save the negative shit so I don't have to put your dick in the dirt where it belongs, no one is deserving of being dwindled to a life of pain or being excluding from certain life saving medications in certain situations. If you think otherwise, I hope you or your children or family that you care about falls into addiction then gets in a life changing wreck and needs pain relief which is only avaliable through opioid narcotics and you or them are forever forbidden from them. Don't think that way unless you want a taste of this life for them or yourselves. Stay humble folks.