MCA I haven't healed yet

I still stalk my ex—ex-FUBU. Since August last year, things have been completely messed up between us. We were just staying together because I begged him to let me stay. My pregnancy was super sensitive, and his place had easier access to transportation. Then, I found out he came from another girl’s condo. He gaslit me so hard—telling me it was some "shark loan" issue, that the girl was just touchy, which is why he smelled like her. Despite the chills and contractions I felt that night, I still believed him.

I went home for my graduation, and when I came back, he straight-up told me he was so done with me. That I should just leave. So, I packed up all my things. Of course, I begged him. Like a fool, I waited outside his door, calling him over and over—no answer. Until finally, he agreed to meet. I got his phone, and that’s when I saw the truth. The moment he kicked me out, he messaged her. The same girl who had been thirsting over him for a while, constantly DMing him things like "Vape tayo". We talked about her before—he swore he didn’t like her because she had slept with his best friend from our condo. He even told me he doesn’t like girls with high body counts, throwing around that stupid lock-and-key analogy, saying security is lost when everyone has the key. And now he’s living with her. I read their dirty messages. I even saw her list of people she slept with—mostly their coworkers.

And you know what? I judge her. Call me bitter, call me whatever—I don’t care. She looks so laspag. The type you can tell has been passed around. Pokpok—that’s exactly how I see her. She’s the kind of girl who hops from one guy to the next like it's nothing. And he left me for that? The same man who acted all high and mighty about body count? Ang kapal.

Meanwhile, I was struggling through my pregnancy—suffering every single day—while they were out there enjoying themselves. I was bleeding from stress, having contractions, terrified for my baby’s life. And they were busy exchanging dirty messages like some cheap, disgusting affair straight out of a porno. Nandidiri ako. The things they said to each other while I was crying myself to sleep, habang ako dinudugo kakaisip sa pangbababae niya. Sobrang baboy. Sobrang baboy nila.

I don’t know exactly what I’m feeling. Am I actually hurt? Or is it just my pride? I keep comparing myself—at least I don’t have that many body counts. I know I sound bitter, but that’s how I feel. Every day, I still stalk her. I want something bad to happen to her. No worries—I wish him the worst too. I hope he gets AIDS for being so damn itchy. I want him to suffer, slowly.

Throughout our entire relationship, I knew I wasn’t perfect. But he cheated on me over and over—with girls and trans women. And still, I tried to fix us. Because I loved him.

I also saw his messages with his sister. He said to never let my son have his last name. Oh, and the moment he found out I was pregnant? He immediately looked for someone who could perform an abortion. I fought for my son's life. And because of that, I had a hell of a pregnancy. But I’m grateful—because I delivered my son perfectly fine. I even sent him a photo of our baby. But guess what? He just deleted my message. Then blocked me everywhere.

Now, all I want is success. Not just for me—but for my son. I want to prove to them that we never needed anything from them. I’m angry. And I want them to see that the child they wanted dead, the child they refused to acknowledge, is going to thrive.

I know I haven’t healed yet. I haven’t moved on. But this anger? This fuels me. And one day, they’ll see exactly what they lost.

We're in a relationship po, we lived together. He told me I'm his partner or asawa without a ring lol.