small victory

yesterday, after my usual k binge (which consist of me doing k all day.. small lines, i dont think i do more than 1.5g at least hope so) and all night (with a small 4 hours nap) cause i have insomnia (i do k to not think about my issues which are keeping me awake) when i went to bed cause i was feeling empty and didnt even know why i was still doing k, i had back pains. (k cramps as it turned out since i ended up unable to lay on my right side) i took medication, and went to bed. slept all day, weird dreams, no food but loads of water. when i woke up i had dinner, and immediately did some lines again cause i was feeling so sad. then i wondered wtf i was doing cause what if my pains come back worse cause im gonna binge on it all night again ? i took a shower, cried a lot. decided to take a break for at least one hour or two. i know it might seem like such a little break but im a heavy user. drank a lot of water, played my favorite video game. i stopped using at 9:41pm and sat upright, as my pains came back a little. drinking loads and loads of water rn, playing video games. im waiting until midnight to get up and move around, see if i still feel bad, then cook a snack, eat it. might end up using again during the night. but im glad i managed to actually handle feeling so hopeless (crying and realising how isolated i was because of my addiction) without doing lines to numb my pain and also the fact i was able to NOT do k for a few hours. i hope one day being able to stop for more than a few hours.