Childhood sexual abuse and sexuality

I am a 32 year old woman. I am coming to understand that I was sexually abused as a child. Possibly from as young as age 4 and until age 9. By strangers, and also my brother.

I have had amnesia of this my entire life until recently. I now have flashbacks which are incredibly disturbing and I can see why I had to block everything out. There is a great sense of overwhelming violation and terror. As you can imagine, my sexuality did not develop 'normally'. I have felt disgusted by my sexual fantasies ever since I started having them as a kid. They are strange and I don't understand them. They are very specific to me and presumably caused by the abuse.

I would like to gain a deeper understanding of them. I have a therapist but at this moment there is no way I could ever tell them about it. I need to do this myself.

So my questions are: how is sexuality disturbed by childhood abuse? And how can I analyse mine to understand why it is how it is?

Thank you.