Should I just kill myself? will somebody cry if I die??

I am a stupid 17 year old girl(if we've talked before, sorry for lying abt my gender, he told me not to reveal it here..), I fell in love with a guy from my class, and spent the past year chasing after his interests and hobbies and wasting my time, in the end, we lost contact during prep, and he managed to get 200+ in his jee mains and I only got 46

I am not blaming anyone or anything, I am taking accountability, what happened was 100% my fault, there is no denying in that, we stopped talking frequently since nov, but my ass just refused to study, in nov,dec and jan, in these 3 months I had less than 10 hours of prep, I am just too dumb, I cant control my tears rn, I dont know shit for boards as well

nov me socha tha, kal se padhungi, dec me socha tha april me phod dungi and 1st atttempt ke baad socha ki drop le lungi

mujse board ke savaal bhi nhi ban rhe, I am just too dumb, I dont want him to see me get 46, I wanna just die atp, I dont wanna live anymore.

I am a failure and a liar and I dont deserve to live

I am not blaming anyone else but myself, I am a retard and a complete idiot, I just wanna stab myself with a knife and end it all(I am too scared to jump of a building)

I just cant live anymore, but I am also too afraid of dying

idk what to do, this is completely on me, I am a fool, an idiot, a complete retard

it was foolish of me to even think that he would be with some1 like me, I should just end it all, I dont deserve to be here anymore

EDIT- TYSM guys, I am overwhelmed rn, I never got these many chat requests, eventhough I cant respond to all of em, I still read every single one of em, thank you so so much for trying to motivate me, but I dont think I can do it

a few minutes ago, my father came to me and he told me to not worry abt the future and keep prepping for boards(parents dont know my jee score and the fact that I have 0 prep), I just ran and locked myself in the bathroom and cried for a while

I just dont know what to do rn, my parents have too much hope in me and my bhaiya also texted me asking for my results

bhaiya se kya kahungi ab???, I am a coward, I cant die, I am too afraid to die, but I dont wanna continue like this