what jee does to a mf

I'm in my first year now at a college highly respected in my state but not close to iits. I'll be 18 in a few days and I'll fucking miss being 17.

Last year on my bday i had decided to get 99+ percentile and a rank below 5k in adv also some other physical fitness and chess grind stuff.

Couldn't achieve a single one of them.

Got 98.94 percentile, 12.7k rank in adv and am still stuck at the same weight and same chess elo.

2022 ke december mai pehli aur Akhri baar coaching ke dosto ke saath iitb gaya tha techfest keliye.. Aj unmese ek ladka iitb gaya and abhi techfest 2k24 ke stories daalra hai.. bakike batches ke dost iitm iit kgp pohoch gaye aur iitb ke techfest ke stories daalre. Those were the people I hung out with the most and from whom I used to clear all my doubts.. and now, abhi vo milne invite bhi nahi karte.

9th june ko adv rank dekhne ke baad har din drop ka vichaar man me ata tha.30th nov tak every day I used to think of just filling the form and one day almost bhar bhi diya tha but 1000 rs bharne ko parents ne mana kardiya(parents bohot unsupportive the drop ke bare mai)

Ye failure ka daag mere man se kabhi mitega nahi and I won't even let it erase away. Coz jee ke prep ne mujhe sab diya - reality check diya, chess ka bhoot chadaya, indian hip hop explore karvaya, realise karvaya ki insta ki duniya is not the real world, Mera mind sharp hua, mujhe phy mai interest tha pata bhi nahi tha until I started solving adv pyqs.

Jee gave me everything and absolutely shattered me too.

I couldn't get into top iits but I promise i will dedicate the rest of my life to fulfilling every other dream my 17 yo ever dreamt of. Happy bday to me.

And all the best 25tards. Paper phodna hai