I caught feelings for my roommate's girlfriend (follow up)

Hi, back in October I made a post about catching feelings for my roommate's girlfriend. It's been 4 months since then, and I figured I would give an update. I deleted my original post (I think out of shame and to "cover my tracks" but I've included my original text below.

TL;DR: I think I need to talk to my friend and tell her how I feel about her, but the anxiety and background is scaring me a lot.

So where are we now? The status quo, at the moment, has not changed. We have had a few one on one interactions since then (including her inviting me to watch a basketball game at her place with friends, only for me to show up late and her friend and roommate all cancelled/where not there, which was not communicated to me). She's been very kind to me, as per usual. I moved to a new apartment closer to her building, and she offered to come over and help me unpack, which I did accept.

We shared a cab back from a party the other night, where she proceeded to compliment me about how quickly I can make friends with people, she had never met anyone that can be that social, she enjoys watching me make these connections at parties, and it was the highest compliment she could give anyone. She also told me one of her guy friends (who is dating one of her friends) who left the city last year, named me their favorite person they met in 2024, and is always asking about how I'm doing. That's, great, but puts a lot of pressure on me to have this persona, and just, feels a little much. I had a rough morning that day, I had a date cancel on me last minute, so I guess she felt like I needed some compliments to feel better about the situation.

It's gone too far. Every morning I think about how to tell her how I feel, and what to do. Which is leading me to my question for everyone: should I? The frame isn't, hey, I like you, let's date. That would not work. And I don't think she feels that way about me. She is still dating this guy long distance.

Instead, I want to tell her, hey, I have these feelings for you, it has been affecting me emotionally, I respect your relationship and our friendship, but I think we need to talk about this.

I'm just scared as I have never been in a relationship, and in a lot of ways, and this is very toxic, I feel the attention she gives me is the closest to a relationship I have ever been in. I am struggling, like many men, with online dating, and even though I do have this reputation and ability to make friends everywhere, I seem to strike out with dating all the time. Not to mention, I also am very deeply embedded in this friend group, made up of a lot of her friends (who also all really like me, hang out and talk to me, and are my friends).

At the same time, I think having this conversation is an opportunity to grow, to defend my boundaries and my energy, and to gain some sense of "closure." I've tried to reason with myself that there is nothing there, but my attachment to this girl doesn't seem to wane. I'm in an emotional limbo, where I get enough attention to keep the longing for her alive, but not enough for a relationship. I don't know how else to diffuse this emotional cycle, I've tried everything else. Open to hearing your thoughts.

Post from October 2024 below, if you want the background context

Hey y’all, I’m trying to move past some unrequited feelings and need some help. 

TL;DR, I have caught feelings for my former roommate’s girlfriend, and I’m trying to keep myself grounded. I don’t know how to keep her out of mind, despite trying everything I can think of to move on. 

Long story long, my roommate started dating a girl the same week we moved in together. I had never met either of them before, and I had just moved to a new city. She came over a ton, and over the course of a year and a half, would regularly be at our place 2-3 times a week, minimum. I became friends with both of them, and soon was heavily embedded with their combined friend group, to the point where I’m now individually invited to a lot of events her friends throw, sometimes even being the only guy invited to hang out. We all would hang out and talk, catch up throughout the week. I started to notice that we had quite a bit of chemistry and commonalities, she’d sometimes turn to me to referee small arguments between her and her bf. Over the course of a year and a half, I got to know of them very well. Every now and then, I thought I would notice some friendliness from her that seemed a bit excessive, she would sometimes tell me she was waiting all week to see me to tell me about her job, or that she wanted to hang out with me. I wrote all this off as I was (and am) a single male, and as Dr. K has said, men often mistake kindness from a woman as romantic interest.

Her bf moved across the country a couple of months ago, and they’ve been doing long distance. I thought that since he was gone, I’d see her less, and my feelings would dissipate. If anything, it’s gotten much worse. I never text her one on one, and I do my best to maintain boundaries. But I’m still a part of the friend group, and often see her at least once a week. Some of those events I admit I initiate, (I host game nights almost every week at my place, and she is in the group chat with all her friends and attends regularly). But we have also hung out one on one (by accident, once was a group dinner where everyone cancelled but she still wanted to get dinner with me, and another time was a game night where she came to my place and everyone else cancelled last minute), and every time I see her in a group setting she makes an effort to try and invite me to her events at her apartment, or otherwise make plans to see me again. 

Again, it’s hard to say if this is just friendly or if there is more. But, she is still dating my former roommate, and is even visiting him across the country. Their relationship seems solid and I think they will get married. They have met each other parents (a very big deal for a south Asian couple). And she is planning on moving to be with him late next year. I caught feelings as this girl is what I’m looking for in a partner, and I’ve gotten to know her very well over the last nearly 2 years. Her friends all love me, and hang out/message me individually. 

I’ve tried to go out with other women to move past her. On a date with this girl I met for the first time at an event my friend threw (and my roommate’s gf also attended), the girl straight asked me if me and the gf were dating, and mentioned she thought I was her bf. So even when I’m meeting other women, this girl is still showing up in my life, and casual observers seem to think we have chemistry. 

I’m at wit’s end. I know I shouldn’t have caught feelings, but I did. And she seems very nice and friendly, I’m not sure if there is anything more (I probably am reading a ton into how she interacts with me as deep down I want her to feel the same about me). I can’t just leave this friend group, I’m way too well established to disappear, and well, they are my friends too. How do I accept that I’m seeing things/there isn’t anything here? How do I move on?